


Loose Ends

by impossiblemoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Get Together, M/M, Minor Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Sirius Black, Sharing a Bed, Smart Sirius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26920039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblemoon/pseuds/impossiblemoon
Summary: Remus’s right hand travelled up his shoulder, round the curve of his neck and finally came to a rest on his jaw. Sirius tingled at the contact; the feather-light touch like a kiss from a butterfly. He tilted his head into Remus’s hand, his middle finger gently stroking the soft skin beneath his ear.“You’re a bit of a mindfuck, Remus Lupin.”Remus smirked, raising his eyebrows briefly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”***Sirius Black was perfectly content with living his unremarkable life until he found himself in a chance meeting with the first person he couldn't instantly suss out. Remus Lupin was a complete mystery that captivated Sirius hook, line and sinker.A modern, non-magic, University AU.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 45
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

It was a common misconception that Sirius Black hated a lot of things. In actual fact, there were countless things that he adored.

He loved crisp winter mornings in London, feeling the crunch of fallen leaves beneath his boots. He loved staying up all night and watching the sun reluctantly rise, its golden rays warming him to his bones. He loved walking home after a night out, gazing up at the stars while drunk, and feeling so _alive_. He loved stretching out on a picnic blanket and watching as the breeze manipulates the fluffy clouds in the sky. He loved travelling around at night, whether that be in the back seat of a car or on the night tube, feeling as though he’s on a private mission, important only to him. He loved the feeling of trying on new socks for the first time, wriggling his toes in the stiff cotton.

He loved the fresh smell of bakeries, and the taste of their produce even more. He loved curling up on his bed with a book, listening to the thundering rainstorm outside. He loved being in a comfortable silence with a friend, but loved laughing so hard your ribs hurt even more. There were a lot of things that Sirius loved about his life, but having someone nag him to go out when he didn’t fancy it was really not something he’d add to the list.

The thing was, Sirius _really_ didn’t want to go out that night. He wasn’t in an I’m-pretending-I-don’t-want-to-go-out-but-secretly-I-want-you-to-convince-me kind of mood, but a no-seriously-I-want-to-stay-in-and-binge-watch-Gavin-and-Stacey mood. Most people would be able to recognise the difference, but James Potter, apparently, did not.

“Oh come _on_ Sirius!” he wheedled. “You know that once you’re out you’ll get well into it. D’ya remember our last bender? You dragged me to the gay bar once all the other clubs had shut, then we went straight to spoons after they kicked us out and had pints with our full English! You _live_ for nights like these.”

Sirius groaned as he recalled the night James was referring to. He had been at the University of Manchester for two years now, and had been on plenty of mental nights out with his flatmate. They were placed in the same student flat back in first year, in neighbouring rooms. As soon as the waves of parents had left Sirius sat in his room, feeling nervous but insanely excited. He tried not to worry about what his flatmates must have thought about him turning up at their halls by himself, with just two suitcases to his name. He had left home as soon as he finished his GCSEs and gone to live with his cousin, Andromeda. He didn’t want to burden her with asking her to drive him all the way up to Manchester, so got the train from Euston instead. James had knocked on Sirius’s open door and introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m James, looks like we’ll be neighbours this year! What’s your name?” He was effortlessly confident and cocky, grinning widely as Sirius jumped up from his chair, leaving his phone laid on the desk.

“I’m Sirius! You alright? Where are you from, then?” Sirius was excited; he had only ever interacted with Islington locals and couldn’t wait to make some friends outside of the posh London borough.

James raised an eyebrow, his face incredulous. “Is that a comment on the colour or my skin, or—”

“What?” Sirius‘s stomach plummeted to his feet. He really, _really_ , didn’t mean it that way. “No, that’s not what I meant! I was just wondering where you live. I’m from London, you heard of Islington?”

James narrowed his eyes briefly, and Sirius braced himself. Suddenly, James’s face broke into a wide, genuine smile. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just messing with you. I’m from Kent, but if you do want to know my family history, my mum was born in India.”

“Oh nice! I’ve never been to Kent. Or India, for that matter,” Sirius said earnestly.

“Yeah, they’re not bad. Mind if I come in?” James indicated Sirius’s room, and Sirius nodded fervently, beckoning him inside.

James took a couple of steps into Sirius’s room, and looked around. “Woah, you decorated quickly.”

Sirius had plastered his walls with poster after poster, disregarding the rule against using bluetack on the beige breeze blocks that lined his room. Aside from his clothes and laptop, they were the only things he had salvaged from his old room at his parent’s house.

“This is sick!” James continued, looking at the posters. “You’ve got a pretty eclectic mix here. Never thought I’d see a Rolling Stones poster next to Kendrick Lamar.”

“Yeah, guess I just like anything with a good beat,” Sirius watched, amused, as James flopped down onto his bed, as if they’d known each other years.

“Speaking of music — what’s the plan for tonight?” James propped himself up on his elbow, and looked expectantly at Sirius.

“Tonight?”

“Come on mate, it’s freshers week! Gotta get our groove on,” James mimicked disco dancing from the bed, and Sirius snorted.

“Has anyone told you that you dance like a granddad?”

“I’ll have you know my granddad has got the _moves_.”

Sirius laughed and James laughed too. That was all it took, really, for them to become friends. They were inseparable come Christmas, and decided to rent a flat together the following year.

“I am _never_ doing that again. I was hungover for three days after! That’s not normal,” Sirius told James, his mind back in the present.

“Pleaseeee,” James whined. “It’s Frank’s birthday, you promised him last week you’d come! Go on, I’ll buy you a bottle of wine? It’s Saturday! Who stays in on the weekend?”

“James—”

“Come on, Sirius, you know you want to. Come to the party!”

Bloody _hell_ he could be persistent. Sirius sighed, mostly just wanting James to shut up. “Alright. I’ll come to the party for a couple of drinks but I won’t come out to the club afterwards.”

James seemed satisfied. “Okay. If you say so! What are you going to wear?”

***

“I _knew_ I’d get you out! You’re just sooo predictable!”

Sirius would have scowled at his friend if he wasn’t already on the pleasant side of tipsy. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that final game of ring of fire. I _always_ get the kings cup!”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” James slung an arm around Sirius’s shoulder, staggering as the queue for the club lurched forward. “You just can’t resist a night out with me, that’s all there is to it.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Potter,” Sirius laughed, as James turned his spectacled face towards him. “You’re the last bloke I’d go for. You know I like them tall.”

“I am tall!” James spluttered indignantly.

“You’re the same height as me,” Sirius reminded him. “I like my men taller than me. It means they can—”

“Okay, you can finish that sentence right there, mate,” Frank interrupted with a laugh from behind them.

“Don’t worry Frankie, I wouldn’t go for you either,” Sirius stuck his tongue out.

“My heart breaks!” Frank grabbed at his chest dramatically. “And don’t call me Frankie.”

“Student cards and ID’s please,” the bald bouncer on the door announced. Sirius fumbled in his pocket for his wallet, and handed over the appropriate cards.

In the foyer of the club the music was louder, the bass line reverberating through Sirius’s chest. He strode towards some double doors and pulled them open, entering the main room. He tossed his long black hair over his shoulder, and glanced back at James.

“Bar?”

“Yeah, get me a vodka coke will you? I’ll pay you back, just gotta run to the loo first. Broke the seal, didn’t I?” James flashed a quick grin before he began making his way towards the toilets, bending his head as he placed his wallet back in the bum bag he had slung across his chest.

Sirius turned to ask Frank if he wanted a drink, but he had vanished with the rest of the party goers. Sirius was confused, a whole group of them had just walked in yet they had somehow already gone missing. He shrugged to himself and joined the queue for the bar, busying himself with deciding which drink to get.

“Sirius! I didn’t know you were out tonight!”

A figure flung themselves at Sirius, and wrapped their arms around him.

“Oh— hey Peter! You alright?” Sirius smiled at his short friend. Peter Pettigrew was a mousy boy who was on his History of Art course for a grand total of two weeks back in first year, before he panicked and switched courses to Philosophy. He was the first friend Sirius had made at uni outside of his flat, so the two kept in touch. Peter had a cheerful, easy-going disposition and a _very_ low tolerance for alcohol. He had stripes of neon paint on his round cheeks, and was wearing a plain white t-shirt with matching splatters of paint on it.

“I’m brillianttttt!” Peter slurred, pushing his blonde hair out of his eyes, “Who you out with?”

“James, you remember my flatmate?” it was remarkable how sober you felt when you had a conversation with Peter, regardless of how much you had drank. Sirius smirked at his attire. “You been to a neon party or something?”

“Yeah! My housemate’s got a black light,” Peter grinned madly at Sirius. “Had some people round but ended up here.”

“Sounds fun!” Sirius couldn’t think of anything worse than smearing cheap paint on his face, but each to their own. “You want some water mate?” he knew how sensitive Peter was to hangovers, routinely missing his 9am lectures whenever he went on a midweek night out.

“Might be a good shout,” Peter mumbled. “I’ve had a little bit to drink.”

Sirius laughed, and ruffled his friends hair. “Yeah, I can see that,” he finally caught the eye of the girl behind the bar. “Two double vodka cokes and a water please,” he pulled out his debit card and tapped it absentmindedly on the bar, watching as the girl poured far too much ice into the plastic cups. Peter leaned against the bar for support, bopping his head to the music.

They finally got their drinks and pushed through the crowd to the dance-floor. A Grease medley started playing, and Sirius stopped in his tracks, turning back to Peter. “I definitely haven’t had enough to drink yet to dance to this, mind if we pop out for a smoke?”

Peter nodded, slurping at his water. He turned on his heel and began leading the way to the smoking area, narrowly avoiding bumping into people. He pushed the doors to the smoking area open with his shoulder and Sirius immediately shivered, regretting leaving his leather jacket at Frank’s. He was wearing a flowery silk shirt, his favourite pair of ripped jeans and some combat boots, all black. Not exactly the warmest attire for November in a northern city. Peter, despite being dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans, had the blanket of alcohol to keep himself warm, and ambled into the cold, looking around.

“Ahhhh, look, there’s Lily,” Peter slurred, and immediately rushed through the crowd.

Sirius had no idea who he was talking about, but followed him regardless, not wanting to be left alone again. Peter was making a bee-line for a couple of people stood right by the barriers, who were engrossed in animated conversation. The girl was pale and willowy, with straightened dark red hair hanging loose around her face. She had neon makeup smeared on her cheeks like battle-paint, and Sirius‘s eyes slid over to the other person, wondering if they had a similar makeup look on. His breath caught. The man stood next to the girl was one of the most attractive people he had ever laid eyes on.

He was tall and slightly lanky, with a mop of curly caramel-coloured hair falling gently into his eyes. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and he he was smiling widely as he spoke. He was leaning forward slightly to catch what the girl was saying over the racket of the smokers around them, a long gold necklace swinging out from underneath his vintage-looking shirt. His hands were planted lazily in the back pockets of his brown corduroy trousers, and was wearing a battered pair of Reeboks. He was one of those blokes that just looked effortlessly attractive, regardless of what they had chosen to wear. While Sirius had fretted in front of his wardrobe for nearly half an hour, trying to decide which black item of clothing he was going to wear that night, he got the feeling that this man had just thrown on whatever was clean, yet still looked impressively stylish. He had a distinct lack of neon paint on his face.

“Peter! We were wondering where you’d vanished to,” the girl laughed, giving Peter a one-armed hug. Sirius tore his eyes away from the gangly stranger and smiled at the girl. She took a quick drag of her menthol cigarette, and exhaled in a way that told Sirius she didn’t usually smoke. “Thanks for taking care of our lil Pete.”

“No worries, just doing my one good deed of the day,” he raised his eyebrows at Peter. “You going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Ah, yeah. Sirius, this is Lily, my housemate. Lily, this is Sirius, we were on the same course for a couple of weeks,” Peter looked incredibly proud of himself for remembering their names, and treated himself to a big gulp of water. He swallowed quickly, looking at the stranger in a panicked manner. “Oh shit. I’ve forgotten your name.”

The stranger smiled and — oh God, a dimple appeared in his left cheek. Now Sirius was closer he could see more of him; his eyes were a beautiful shade of amber, and he had an untidy smattering of freckles that ran from his nose across his cheeks. A pearly white scar cut his left eyebrow in half, and Sirius wondered what could have caused it.

“Well, that’s charming that is, considering we had a good twenty minute conversation about Ancient Greek mythology on the way here,” his voice was soft and melodic, and Sirius cocked his head as he tried to place it. He still wasn’t very good with identifying accents, despite having met students from nearly every major city in the U.K. over the past year.

Peter looked blank for a moment, then a grin spread across his face. “Remus!” he flung his arms around the boys neck and they both staggered backwards.

“Glad you finally remembered who I am,” Remus chuckled, untangling Peter’s arms from his neck. Peter suddenly turned to Sirius, now a frightening shade of green.

“I think I’m gonna—”

“Peter, no!” Lily exclaimed, looking frantic. “At least chunder in the toilets, otherwise you’ll get kicked out!"

Peter turned and fled from the smoking area, his hands clasped to his mouth.

Sirius laughed. “Bloody liability, that boy.”

“He only had, what, four peach schnapps and lemonades at ours?” Lily shock her head, causing her cropped hair to bounce off her shoulders. “Not looking forward to taking him home.”

Sirius stole one last glance at Remus, and decided that he was _way_ too attractive to give Sirius a chance. Besides, Sirius’s gaydar wasn’t the best, and Remus looked like too much of a closed book to even make an educated guess. He was much better off chatting to this Lily girl, who seemed pleasant enough.

“I sometimes go to the pub with him after lectures and he gets pissed after two pints,” Sirius laughed, happy to find mutual ground with the girl. “How’d you end up living with him anyway?”

Lily looked momentarily a bit awkward, and Sirius got the feeling he’d put his foot in something. She seemed to quickly shake herself out of it, and smiled, “Oh— I just posted in one of those housemate-finder Facebook pages. The house I had planned, erm, it fell through, but Peter sent me a message and said they were looking for a fourth housemate. It all worked out in the end! He can’t handle his drink but he’s quite sweet.”

“Sirius! There you are,” James ambled towards them, two drinks in his hands. “I see you’ve already replaced me.”

“I bought you a drink!” Sirius exclaimed, exasperated.

“Oh — yeah, sorry, forgot about that,” James shrugged unhelpfully. He finally looked at Remus and Lily, and his entire posture changed. Sirius shared a private smirk with himself, James had clearly took one look at Lily and reacted the exact same way as Sirius did with Remus.

“Oh, hello. I don’t think we’ve met,” James said to Lily.

Lily raised her eyebrows, clearly sussing out the situation. “I’m Lily, and this is Remus.”

“Are you two—” James began, rather bluntly.

“We’re on the same course,” Lily interrupted firmly, the ghost of a smile playing on her face.

“Oh sick, what course do you do?” James grinned, clearly thinking he was in for a chance. Sirius shook his head and finally turned to Remus, knowing that there would be no way he could get a word in edgeways when James had his love-blinkers on.

“No neon face paint?” he asked Remus, nodding at Lily’s battle stripes.

“Nah, not really one for dress-up,” Remus replied, slightly shortly.

Bit rude, but Sirius was not going to let himself be deterred. He held out one of the cups in his hand. “Want this vodka coke?”

Remus surveyed him suspiciously. “You know what they say about accepting drinks from strangers,” he said in his soft lilt. What _was_ that accent?

Sirius snorted. “Don’t flatter yourself, I just want a spare hand so I can have a cig.”

Remus looked him dead in the eyes and Sirius felt his stomach flutter. He was twenty, for pity’s sake, how was he getting butterflies after chatting to a bloke for two minutes?

“Alright, well, if you’re sure you don’t want it…” Remus leant his elbows on the barrier behind him, his shirt peeking open slightly at the top to reveal a bit of his chest hair. Sirius felt as though there was a lump in his throat.

“Nah, it’s all yours,” he held the cup out to Remus and their fingers briefly grazed as the drink was passed between them.

Remus took a tentative sniff of the drink, winked — honestly, was he trying to kill Sirius? — and took a large swig.

“Cheers. I’ll buy you a drink when we go inside.”

Sirius tried not to overthink about the fact that Remus was potentially planning on going back inside the club with him, and desperately tried to ignore how attracted he was to him.

“So,” Sirius pulled the little metal box he kept his roll-ups in out of his pocket, flipped it open with one hand, and stuck one in his mouth. “What course do you do?” he clicked his zippo lighter and held it to the end of the cigarette, inhaling deeply.

“English Lit. What about you?”

“Course you do English Literature,” the words were out of Sirius’s mouth before he realised what he was saying.

Remus cocked a dark eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sirius decided to play it cool, taking a drag of his cigarette and exhaling lazily before replying. “I have a talent where I can accurately guess what course someone does before knowing anything about them,” this was, of course, complete bullshit, but Sirius thought it made him sound elusive (and hopefully, sexy).

Remus smirked, clearly not believing a single thing Sirius was saying. “Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Lily does English Lit, and James does Criminology.”

Remus laughed, it was a nice warm sound, and all Sirius wanted to do was laugh with him. “Lily’s literally just said we’re coursemates, and James is obviously your mate.”

Sirius shrugged airily. “I’ll make a prediction to the next random who comes up to us,” yes, that sounded good. Didn’t want to come across too strong, much better to act a little aloof. “Where are you from, anyway? Can’t place your accent.”

“I was born in Cardiff, me mam’s Welsh. Moved to Sheffield when I was fourteen though, to do my GCSE’s,” Remus looked at a spot just beside Sirius’s head, as if he was tired of explaining himself. “Guess that’s why my accent is a bit fucked.”

“Fucked? It’s lovely!” shit, shit shit. Wasn’t the plan to stay cool and aloof? _Bloody hell Sirius_ , he thought to himself, _your flirting game is rusty_.

Unbelievably, Remus blushed, a sweet shade of pink tinting his cheeks. Sirius’s heart leapt — a straight man wouldn’t blush at a compliment like that, would he? Oh God, maybe he would… who knows? James blushes whenever Sirius says anything nice about him, and he’s certainly girl crazy.

“I thought I recognised you!” Lily suddenly exclaimed, her arms crossed tightly across his chest. “You bugged me for a good hour back in first year, asking for my Instagram.”

Sirius’s head snapped to look at James, who was starting to go a bright shade of red. “Err— no, I don’t think that was me.”

Lily smirked. “Nah, that was definitely you. Has it changed this year? Want to step it up a level and ask for my number instead?”

Sirius had never seen his friend look so hopeless and was almost about to start feeling sorry for him, that is, until James decided to open his mouth.

“Oh!” James visibly perked up. “Do you wanna give me your number then?”

“ _No!_ ” Lily laughed. “You can buy me a gin and tonic if you really want to though.”

James immediately dashed back towards the doors, clearly under the impression he might earn some of Lily’s contact details if he got the drink quick enough. Sirius glanced back at Remus, but he had pulled his phone out of his pocket and was typing quickly, scowling at the screen. His phone began to vibrate, and Remus clicked his tongue angrily, accepted the call and strode a couple of steps away from Sirius. Well, there was no doubt about it. He definitely wasn’t interested in him. He sighed and turned back to Lily, deciding again to have a conversation with her instead.

“You shouldn’t lead him on, he’ll be heartbroken when he get back,” he said with a laugh, tapping the ash off his cigarette.

Lily shrugged and dropped her menthol, grinding it under the toe of her black trainers. “I’m not leading him on. It's his fault if he thinks he’ll get anything from it. Besides, a free drink seems like more than enough compensation if he’s going to harass me all night.”

“Don’t worry, he won’t harass you. James can be a bit cocky but he knows that no means no. We’ve had the chat.”

Lily grinned. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

Sirius took a swig of his drink, and decided to toe the line. “Your mate seems alright.”

“Who?” realisation flickered across her face, and she bit her lip briefly. “Oh, Remus? Yes, he’s lovely. _Very_ single.”

“Very single? What do you mean by very single?”

“Oh, you know,” Lily said airily. “Single!”

Sirius raised his eyebrows and turned to look at Remus, who was having a very heated conversation on the phone.

“Doesn’t matter to me,” he said, unconvincingly. Lily raised her eyebrows and Sirius looked down, deciding to have another cigarette. “Want one?” he held a roll up to Lily, who shook her head.

“Nah, I shouldn’t really. I’m not really a smoker, just have one or two on nights out. I almost just use it as an excuse to go outside, to be honest,” Lily smiled, her eyes soft under her eyeliner.

“Sorry about that,” Remus smiled apologetically as he rejoined Lily and Sirius. “I shouldn’t have answered the call, that was rude of me.”

“Don’t worry about it!” Sirius assured, almost too enthusiastically, desperately trying to ignore the fact that Remus had stood a tiny step closer to him than before.

“I had better go and see how Peter’s doing,” Lily said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’ll see you boys later.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine—” Sirius began.

“No no, I’m going to leave you two to it,” she flashed a knowing grin at Sirius and vanished into the crowd.

“What was that about?” Remus asked, furrowing his brow slightly. “Did she say something to you?”

“Nah, she didn’t say anything,” Sirius could feel his heart sinking, but tried to match Remus’s perplexed expression. “No clue what she was on about.”

“Dispute not with her: she is lunatic.”

Sirius felt his mouth tugging into a smile. “Richard III?”

Remus looked as though he was trying hard not to look surprised. “You read a lot of Shakespeare?”

Sirius scoffed. He was yet to find an English Literature student who didn’t think they were the only person who read a particular book. “Nah, just studied it at A-Level. I’m not the biggest Shakespeare fan, but the quotes are easy enough to remember.”

Remus nodded in agreement, absentmindedly scratching the inside of his forearm. “Do you read?”

“Yes, I read. My primary school teachers were incredibly proud of me when I read the Cat in the Hat out loud.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Remus shook his head, causing his curls to bounce against his forehead. Sirius felt like reaching out and pulling one of the curls away from his head, watching as it bounced back into place. He easily refrained himself from doing so, knowing that Remus would probably run for the hills if he tried to touch his hair. “I meant to ask if you enjoyed reading. See what sort of stuff you’re into.”

Sirius hesitated. He had two options here; either play it cool, or be truthful. He looked at Remus’s shining eyes and decided to go with the latter. “My taste in books is pretty similar to my taste in music, to be honest.”

“Gothic?” Remus suggested, his dimple appearing as he grinned.

“ _Gothic_?” Sirius threw his head back and barked with laughter. “You think I’m a goth?”

“Well, you are dressed all in black.”

“It’s fashionable! Black is very sexy,” now relaxed, Sirius decided to try a little bit of flirting, and see how Remus responded. Luckily, he laughed, but unfortunately that’s as far as it went.

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Once again Sirius tried not to feel deflated, and told himself to stop trying. Remus clearly wasn’t interested in him, and there was no use wasting time flirting with him.

“If you really want to know, I like a bit of Daphne du Maurier. I’ve been trying to read more classics written by female authors, and _Rebecca_ was top of the list that my cousin gave me. Brilliant book, I really wasn’t expecting the twist—”

“You’re kidding me,” Remus’s mouth fell open. Sirius tried to ignore his pink tongue. “I’m reading _Rebecca_ at the moment! Don’t spoil it!”

“No way!” Sirius mirrored Remus’s excitement. “What else have you been reading lately? Maybe we’re psychically connected, or something.”

“ _A Thousand Splendid Suns_?”

Sirius shook his head. “I have read it, but a few years back. I’ve never cried so much over a book.”

Remus nodded. “Terribly depressing, but brilliant.”

“That’s what I’m going to name my autobiography, coincidentally.”

Remus scoffed, and pushed Sirius softly on the shoulder. “Go on then, what’s your music taste like?”

Sirius was thrown by Remus’s touch, and had completely forgotten what they were talking about. “My music taste?”

“Yeah, you said your taste in music was the same as your taste in books?”

“Oh yeah. It’s just an eclectic mix, really. There’s no genre of books or music that I exclusively like. I’ll give anything a go, really.”

“That’s fair. Some of the best books I’ve read were ones I’ve just picked up on a whim.”

“Watch out, here comes James,” Sirius nodded at his friend, who was heading towards them, holding a plastic cup.

“Where’d Lily go?” James asked when he reached them, looking crestfallen.

“She went to go check on Peter,” Sirius grinned. “You might have better luck finding her in the toilets.”

“Ah okay. You coming back in, or—” James eyes briefly flitted to Remus, his tongue between his teeth as he fought back a smirk.

“Nah, think I’ll stay out here and have another cig,” Sirius said, in what he hoped to be an airy manner. “Music’s a bit shit, isn’t it?”

“Well, if you’re happy out here…” James continued to loiter, looking incredibly pleased with himself. Sirius raised his eyebrows as a warning, trying to mentally tell James to _piss off and leave us alone._

“Let me just get a pic of the two of you before I go,” James tugged his phone out of his pocket and swiped to the camera.

“What are you _doing_?” Sirius hissed, mortified.

“Come on! I never take pics on nights out, it’s annoying I never have anything to help me remember them. Uni days are supposed to be the best of your life, aren’t they? Go on, stand a little closer together.”

Sirius looked at Remus, who shrugged and shuffled a little closer, looking expectantly at James. Sirius hesitated, and then snaked his arm around Remus’s waist, pulling them together. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination but Remus seemed to lean into his touch, placing his head gently against Sirius’s. He tried to ignore how good he smelled— a musky mix of new books, mahogany and vanilla.

“Alright then, say _University of Manchester_!”

Sirius scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief at James.

“You are joking, what’s wrong with saying cheese?” Remus laughed, jiggling under Sirius’s arm.

James’s phone flashed suddenly, and Sirius realised he had taken the photo.

“Oh bloody hell Prongs, that’s not how you take a pic!” Sirius complained, untangling his arm from Remus and walking forward, reaching for James’s phone.

“Nah, do you know what, I actually think that’s a proper nice picture of the both of you. One for the photo album, I think,” James winked at Sirius as he turned his phone round.

Sirius almost didn’t recognise himself. He was leaning forward slightly, but still very much attached to Remus. His mouth was curved into a soft smile, looking incredulously just above the camera. Next to him, Remus was caught mid-laugh, looking beautifully carefree as he leaned into Sirius’s half-embrace. His left arm was a slight blur, having moved it as he laughed. The photo was, well, it was perfect. Sirius couldn’t believe how natural and happy they looked next to each other, and nervously glanced at Remus, wondering if he thought the same.

“I can’t believe that,” Remus admitted, his soft Welsh accent enunciating every vowel. “I usually look awful when I’m caught laughing in photos.”

Sirius’s heart skipped a beat, and he looked at James, who had an incredibly smug expression on his face.

“I’ll send you the picture when we’re back home,” he assured Sirius, pocketing his phone. “I’ll catch you later mate, enjoy yourself.”

Sirius waved as James disappeared once more into the crowd, and turned back to Remus.

“Now. What were we saying?” Sirius asked, secretly glad to be alone with Remus again.

Remus leaned back onto the barriers, his amber eyes shining in the light. “You were just about to tell me who your favourite author was.”

“Ah. That would be a tricky one. Do you happen to have a spare half an hour to listen to me have a rant?”

Remus grinned. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UK lingo explanation :)
> 
> Bender - a big night out that lasts at least 24 hours  
> Spoons - short for Wetherspoons, a popular chain of pubs  
> GCSEs - the exams students take at 16  
> Freshers week - the introductory week for the first years at university. Tends to be the week that the best club events are on, and pretty much everyone goes out.  
> Chunder - throw up


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night continues, and Sirius realises he's left something behind.

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels as though it doesn’t behave in the way it should. It can play tricks on your mind and distract you — resulting in time passing in a rather unconventional way. Occasionally, seconds seem to melt into minutes, and those into hours, and you become hyper-aware of the ticking of a clock, constantly checking the time to see if it has sped up or fallen back into sync. Time drags on. You almost question whether your mind is playing tricks on you, or if it’s true that only five minutes have passed since you last checked the time.

Often, time zooms past, dancing away from your fingertips even if you reach out and try to make it slow down. You almost begin to realise how fickle life is, how short, after it flies past in the blink of the eye and it slowly dawns on you what has been lost. When time is behaving in that way, it’s always a shock when you check the clock and realise that hours have vanished before your eyes, in what feels like a matter of minutes.

Sirius often found that time never did what he wanted. Time was a disobedient mistress, preferring to do as it pleased rather than benefitting him in any way. When he couldn’t wait for something to be over, it would drag on, and on, and on. When he needed more time, it snatched itself away, leaving him reeling in the emptiness. That night, when he was stood in the smoking area, chatting to Remus Lupin, time seemed to be doing the latter.

“What the fuck, it’s nearly three?”

“You’re joking.”

“Nah, the club’s literally going to shut soon,” Sirius turned his phone to Remus, so he could see the time on his lockscreen.

“So, we’ve literally spent the entire night stood out here, talking?” Remus’s mouth twitched into a smile as he leant back on the barrier, processing the information.

“Yeah,” Sirius had spent the last three hours trying his best not to come across as flustered, but it was incredibly hard to relax when faced with someone you really fancied. “Time flies, eh?”

“Indeed,” Remus scratched his arm, indicating the door with his head. “Should probably get out of here before they kick us out.”

Sirius tried not to think about the fact he may be leaving the club with Remus, and nodded, in what he hoped was a not-too-eager way. Together they jostled through the emptying smoking area, stumbled across the sticky dance floor, finally bursting through the main doors of the club onto the street. Sirius blinked at Remus in the streetlight, marvelling at how the usually unflattering orange glare lit his curls and bathed him in a strangely etherial glow.

He hesitated, not sure what was going to happen next. Not wanting to look as though he was waiting for Remus to suggest something, he leant against the wall, busying himself with rolling a cigarette.

“Where are you living?” Remus eventually asked, after watching Sirius light up. His heart leapt.

“Our flat’s in Fallowfield. You?” Sirius tried to keep his tone light and casual, not quite wanting to believe that Remus could be suggesting something.

“I’m in Fallowfield too! Shall we walk back together? I’m not that keen on the night bus.”

Sirius didn’t let his smile falter, but felt disappointment surging through him. Of _course_ Remus didn’t want to go home with him, he just wanted a safe journey back to his own place. It was a fair enough reason, really, and Sirius nodded, taking an earnest drag of his cigarette. He’d smoked far too much that night — he didn’t usually make it through his little tin of pre-rolled cigarettes, and blamed the fact he’d spent all night stood in the smoking area as the reason why his lungs felt a little tighter than usual.

“Let me just let James know I’m leaving and then we’ll go.”

Remus stuck his hands in his pockets and bounced gently on the balls of his feet as Sirius quickly sent a message to James. He pocketed his phone, and grinned at Remus.

“Come on then, let’s get going. You fancy any food?”

“Not being dramatic, but I could probably kill for some cheesy chips,” Remus’s dimple reappeared again, and it took Sirius some self-restraint not to grab his face and kiss him.

“There’s a kebab shop just round the corner, let’s go.”

The kebab shop was bright and noisy, and Sirius shamelessly flirted with the cheerful man behind the counter, managing to convince him to give them both an extra scoop of freshly fried chips. With a polystyrene box in one hand, and a wooden fork in the other, Remus and Sirius finally began on their walk home. Their elbows knocked into each other as they ate their cheese-covered chips, chatting in-between mouthfuls about books and music.

“Right… Fleetwood Mac?” Sirius asked, biting on his wooden fork as Remus tilted his head, his face incredulous.

“Obviously I love Fleetwood Mac. Who doesn’t?”

“Fair point. _Landslide_ is my go-to crying song.”

“I can see that. I’m not really much of a crier, but… yeah, I can see how _Landslide_ could make you cry. Okay, books. _Kite Runner_?”

“Oh man, that one made me cry too. Hmmm… Have you heard of Steve Lacy?” Sirius stole a quick glance at Remus. It was difficult to keep looking at him when he was walking alongside him, and Sirius longed to be back in the smoking area, where he was able to gaze at his face freely.

“Nope, is he a writer?” Remus speared a chip and munched on it, watching Sirius under his dark eyelashes.

“Nah, he’s a musician. Plays bass in this band, the Internet, but he also does some solo stuff too. He’s got some, er, really good tunes.”

“Tunes?” Remus laughed. “God, Sirius, you don’t half talk like an old man sometimes.”

Sirius decided he rather liked it when Remus said his name, and tossed his hair flirtily over his shoulder. “You got a problem with that?”

Remus laughed again. “No, I don’t. Okay, my turn. Have you read _A Brief History of Time_?”

“Nope, but it’s on my list, funnily enough. Do you like Janelle Monáe?”

“I think you’re losing me a bit with your music taste, I won’t lie,” Remus admitted, using a spare hand to rake through his curly hair. “I’m a bit stuck in the past with what I like.”

“And you called me an old man,” Sirius smirked, and nudged Remus gently by the shoulder. “I like older stuff too. I think I’m just trying to impress you with the more recent artists.”

“You’re trying to impress me?” Remus stopped in his tracks, raising both eyebrows.

Sirius swore internally, and had a brief internal battle as to whether he should play it down, or stick it out. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. What’s it to you?” he flashed a coy smile, fiercely hoping that Remus would reciprocate his flirting.

“I mean, it _would_ be nice to know where we stood, that’s all.”

Sirius watched as Remus’s dimple made another appearance, his smooth lips tugging into a relaxed smile. Although this was all he had wanted the entire night, Sirius found himself panicking slightly under Remus’s golden-eyed gaze.

“We’re stood on the corner of my road. My flat’s just down there,” Sirius swallowed, as if something big was stuck in his throat, and pointed down the street. He felt like punching himself for not continuing the flirting, but honestly felt as though he was close to melting into goo, and still wanted to maintain _some_ sense of decorum.

“Ah. Want me to walk you to your door?” Remus tossed his chips into a nearby bin, and tilted his head slightly upwards.

“I would expect nothing less from a chivalrous gentleman like yourself,” Sirius replied, finding it easier to stay on the jokier side. That was always easier than addressing your feelings.

Remus scoffed and offered Sirius his elbow. “Please allow me to escort you to your humble residence, Mr Black.”

“Charmed, Mr Lupin,” Sirius delicately wrapped his fingers around Remus’s bicep, marvelling at how muscular he felt underneath his paisley shirt. Sirius’s brain automatically began to wonder how brawny he might be beneath the rest of his clothes, and quickly tried to banish the thought from his mind.

They walked the short distance down Sirius’s road, laughing at how difficult it was to step in sync with one another. They came to a stop outside a large red door, and Sirius reluctantly let go of Remus’s arm.

“I suppose this is goodbye,” Sirius murmured, trying not to sound forlorn.

“I’m sure I’ll see you around!” Remus said earnestly, seemingly unaware of how Sirius was feeling that they were parting ways.

“Yeah. Get home safe, will you?” he managed a smile as he fumbled in his pockets for his keys.

“I’ll do my best. Wait, what’s wrong?” Remus stared at Sirius, who was now pulling out the pockets of his jeans in panic.

“I don’t have my keys! Oh fuck, I think I left them in my leather jacket at Frank’s,” Sirius could only find his phone and his wallet in his pockets, and sank down onto the step of his front door. “Typical. The one night I’m not coming back with James as well.”

Remus chewed on his lip, towering over Sirius. “Why don’t you try phoning him? See if he’s far away?”

Sirius nodded as he tapped at his phone, quickly holding it to his face, massaging his temples with his spare hand.

“Fuck. It’s gone straight to voicemail,” Sirius looked at his phone in dismay, and tapped at it again to bring up his message thread with his flatmate. “Oh bollocks. I think his phone’s died. My last message to him wasn’t even delivered. Bollocks. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.”

Remus pursed his lips, watching as Sirius rubbed his forehead, swearing under his breath.

“Does he usually come straight back after a night out?” Remus eventually asked.

“Depends,” Sirius tilted his head up towards Remus. “If he sees a friend he’ll go to another club, or an afterparty. Sometimes he goes home with a girl, although that really hasn’t happened much this year. And sometimes he just comes straight back home.”

Remus nodded, chewing his lip again. “So, basically, you could be out here all night.”

“Looks like it,” Sirius stretched his legs, and sighed. “Nah, I’ll be alright. I doubt he’ll be long.”

“You don’t know that. Come on, this is stupid. You can come back with me.”

Sirius felt as though he couldn’t believe his ears. Remus Lupin, the boy he was attracted to the moment he met him three and a half hours ago, was asking him to come back to his place?

“Just so you don’t have to spend the night sleeping on the streets,” Remus added quickly, as if as an afterthought.

Sirius felt the bubble in his chest deflate slightly, but that didn’t stop him from jumping to his feet. “I think I’ll take you up on that kind offer. I’ll let James know where I’m going, incase he comes back and charges his phone and wonders where I’ve gone.”

“You two are like an old married couple,” Remus teased, his tongue poking out slightly from between his teeth.

“Nah, more like two old ladies who have no-one else to worry about apart from each other,” Sirius sent the text, and put his phone back in his pocket. “Right then, lead the way.”

The walk to Remus’s house was surprisingly short, and Sirius wondered vaguely if he had ever bumped into him in Sainsbury’s, considering how close their homes were. In the end he dismissed the thought, knowing that he would have noticed Remus if he had ever seen him before.

Remus proudly produced his bunch of keys from his pocket, making a sly comment at Sirius about how proficient he was at remembering the things he needed as he unlocked the front door. They stepped into the dark, quiet hallway, Remus gently shutting the door behind them.

“Do you want some water?” he whispered into the darkness.

“Yes please,” Sirius replied, wondering how his hangover would be the next day. He followed Remus down the hall, through the lounge and into the galley kitchen. He was silent as Remus grabbed a couple of glasses from a cupboard and filled them up with water from the tap. Sirius had a water purifier at home, but didn’t object as he lapped at the cold, refreshing liquid.

The steps creaked loudly as they ascended the stairs, Sirius grasping at the banister so he didn’t topple backwards. There was a jangle of keys as Remus unlocked his door and pushed it open, allowing Sirius to step inside before him.

“Shall I turn the light on?” Sirius asked, blinking in the darkness as he ran his hand along the wall.

“No no, I never have the big light on. Hang on a second,” Sirius’s skin prickled as Remus slipped past him, making his way across the room. “Sirius, _look_.”

Sirius fumbled his way over towards where Remus was stood, peering out of the window.

“The moon,” Remus breathed. “Isn’t it _beautiful_?”

Sirius followed Remus’s gaze and marvelled at the glistening full moon, hanging like a gem in the deep night sky.

“I didn’t realise it was a full moon,” Sirius whispered.

“Me neither.”

Sirius tore his eyes away from the window, and looked over at Remus. The moonlight bathed his freckled skin, casting a cool glow on his soft features. A slight smile danced across his lips, his dimple once again making a welcome appearance.

“You look like you’re entranced by the moon,” Sirius murmured softly, not wanting to break the spell Remus was under. Unfortunately, it did so, and his eyes quickly snapped away from the window, looking downwards in embarrassment.

“Sorry about that. I just really like the night sky.”

“Don’t apologise! I like looking at the sky too. Almost feel as though I have to, with my name—”

“You’re the brightest star that you can see from Earth,” Remus smiled so sweetly that Sirius could have melted right there. “Part of the Canis Major constellation.”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Didn’t know you liked your astronomy.”

Remus hummed as he moved away from the window. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Still. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you pretty well these past few hours.”

There was a click as Remus flicked a switch. The room erupted into soft light as the fairy lights strung around his room glimmered on. He picked up a lighter, and for a split second Sirius wondered if he was going to ask him for a cigarette.

“Do you mind if I light some candles? I much prefer low-light.”

He couldn't help but smile. Of course Remus liked candles. “That's fine. Shall I draw the curtains?”

Remus nodded and Sirius tugged the ugly orange curtains across the curtain rail. While Remus moved around the room, lighting various candles, Sirius took the time to look eagerly around the room, hungry for more clues or details about his life.

It was a pretty bog-standard student room; the only furniture being the double bed, bedside table, desk, wardrobe and dresser. Remus had covered every spare inch of the poky room with books. They were piled high on the shelf above the desk, so many that Sirius wondered how the shelf was still attached to the wall. Where some people would have one book on their bedside table, Remus had five. They were littered across the desk, in random little piles, some with slips of paper stuck between the sheets. Even the top of the wardrobe wasn’t safe, with books lodged all the way up to the ceiling. Aside from that, it was reasonably tidy, with the bed being made and papers and printed essays piled neatly on the desk. A guitar case peeked out from the side of the wardrobe, and a bottle of aftershave was balanced precariously on top of another pile of books on the chest of drawers. A couple of A6 prints were blue-tacked to the wall above his bed, and Sirius moved closer to them, recognising them as Pre-Raphaelite.

“Ophelia,” Sirius murmured, reaching out to touch the print of the slowly drowning girl, cocooned in her patterned garments and surrounding greenery.

“I don’t suppose I need to ask if you’ve read Hamlet,” Remus said softly, as he moved towards Sirius.

“I thought we had established that I’m quite well versed in Shakespeare,” Sirius’s voice was hardly above a whisper, feeling as though he was unable to speak with Remus standing so close to him.

“You’re not at all what I thought you would be, Sirius Black.”

Sirius’s breath caught in his throat, and his eyes travelled over Remus’s smooth, freckled face, feeling as though his lungs were frozen in place. All he had to do was lean forward, close the gap in-between them, and then—

“Erm, I’m going to brush my teeth, will you be alright in here for a moment?” Remus took a quick step backwards, and Sirius felt as though the spell was broken.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Sirius replied glumly, sinking down onto the bed as Remus slipped from the room. He kicked off his boots and picked up the book at the top of the pile on the bedside table. It was _Rebecca_. Sirius smiled to himself, and opened to the page that was bookmarked, curious to see where Remus had got in the story. His eyes automatically began gliding down the page, after all, if you had a book in your hand it was rude not to read it, right? He became so engrossed in the story that he didn’t notice the door creak and Remus walk back in the room.

“I thought you said you’d read _Rebecca_?”

Sirius jumped and nearly dropped the book. “Fucking hell!”

Remus smirked. “Sorry about that.”

“Wanker,” Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled. “Is it alright if I use your loo?”

“Yeah, it’s just next door. My cupboard is the one with the blue handle if you want to borrow mouthwash, or anything like that.”

“Cheers,” Sirius nodded, and padded softly out of the room and into the bathroom.

He didn’t take long; quickly going to the toilet, splashing his face with cold water and using the mouthwash Remus mentioned. When he got back to Remus’s bedroom, he was sat at his desk, scowling at his phone.

“Everything alright?” Sirius asked, gently shutting the door.

Remus, unlike Sirius, didn’t jump. “Yeah, it’s nothing,” he roughly placed his phone face down on the desk, and swivelled round on his desk chair. “You’re welcome to the sofa downstairs if that’s where you’d feel the most comfortable, but I don’t mind if you want to share my bed.”

Sirius blinked once or twice, trying to decipher Remus’s words.

“Not sure if I can be bothered to walk all the way downstairs again. Are you sure you don’t mind me in your bed?” Sirius quirked his mouth into a smile, not wanting to make things awkward.

Remus nodded. “I trust you. Do you trust me?”

“I got the feeling I could trust you as soon as I saw you,” Sirius admitted, hoping his cheeks weren’t reddening with his confession.

Remus didn’t respond, instead holding eye contact. His irises were like honey, speckled with different shades and hues of gold. Sirius stared back.

“Okay then, want something to sleep in?”

Sirius was taken aback by how easily Remus could diffuse the tension between them, leading him once again to question what was going on inside his head.

“Er, yeah, yes please. Don’t think I can sleep in jeans.”

Remus crossed the room and yanked open a drawer in his dresser, rummaging around for a moment. He eventually pulled out a graphic white t-shirt and some running shorts.

“I don’t really own any pyjamas, I usually just sleep in my boxers. Will this be okay for you?”

Sirius felt like smashing his head against the wall. There was no way he could back out of wearing clothes to bed without coming across as pervy, and felt insanely frustrated that he lost out on the chance on sleeping topless in the same bed as an exceedingly attractive man.

“Yeah, that’ll be fine, thanks,” Sirius said bitterly, holding out his hand. He hesitated before unbuttoning his shirt, wondering if he should leave the room to change.

Remus didn’t dither, and immediately unbuckled his belt and slipped his trainers off, opening his wardrobe to deposit them on the shoe rack he had hidden in the bottom.

Sirius knew it would be weird if he blatantly watched Remus undress, but at the same time he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He watched as he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head, not bothering to undo any of the buttons. He stepped easily out of his straight-legged corduroy trousers, and quickly peeled the yellow socks off his feet, dropping them into a hessian laundry bin. Now there was no chance that Sirius could bring himself to look away.

Remus was surprisingly sinewy, taut muscles rippling beneath his tanned skin. Freckles invaded every inch of his body, accentuating every groove and edge in his skin. He had a soft tuft of umber chest hair between his ever-so-slightly toned pectorals, and Sirius’s eyes couldn’t help flicker down, admiring at the accentuated V of his pelvis.

“Haven’t you ever seen anyone with freckles before?” Remus joked, taking his gold necklace off and placing it carefully on his desk.

“Nah, this is definitely a first,” Sirius breathed, realising with a jolt that he had only undone one button of his shirt. He hurriedly shed the rest of his clothing, quickly pulling Remus’s running shorts over his black boxers, desperately hoping that he’ll be able to get through the night without any more awkwardness.

Remus clambered into his bed, smirking at Sirius as he pulled the t-shirt over his head. “Do you want to be on the left or right?”

Sirius laughed. “Which side do you normally sleep on?”

“Right.”

“I usually sleep on the left, so that works out pretty well, doesn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Remus pulled the covers up to his chest, and patted the bed next to him. “Come on, get in.”

Sirius didn’t need to be told twice. He slid under the terracotta coloured duvet, wriggling his toes in the cold. He couldn’t believe how comfortable he felt lying next to Remus, and had to really focus to stop himself from thinking about how nearly naked he was. In a way, he was glad he had running shorts on, as the layer of tight inner fabric would hopefully help hide any unwanted growth. He lay rigidly on his back, as far away from Remus as he could be, now panicking slightly about how the rest of the night would play out. If he was in the bed with any other attractive man, he would be flirty and suggestive, his hands most likely roaming every inch of skin. With Remus it felt different.

Although Sirius desperately _did_ want to touch him, he felt strangely apprehensive. Remus had been giving him mixed signals all night, switching between coy to withdrawn in almost a matter of seconds. Although Sirius desperately wanted to say that it wasn’t merely platonic between them, he just wasn’t sure. Despite his love of books, Remus wasn’t half hard to read.

“Are you tired?” his Welsh accent pierced the air, and Sirius turned to look at him, his cheek brushing the pillow.

“Not really,” Sirius admitted, fidgeting with his hands, in a bid to keep them from reaching over towards Remus.

Remus hummed. “Me neither. Do you want to watch something? Or listen to some music?”

“Music would be nice,” Sirius croaked. What was happening to him? He would always brag to James about how smooth he was, how flirting was basically second nature to him. If James could see him now he’d kill himself laughing. The once suave Sirius Black, now biting his lip and digging his nails into his skin, desperately pining after a boy he wasn’t sure he could have.

“Sorry, I’m just going to have to lean over you for a second,” Remus apologised as he reached for his laptop, which was on the dresser on Sirius’s side. Sirius unintentionally inhaled as Remus leant over him, taking in his earthy, vanilla scent. He had never noticed anyone smelling as good as Remus, and thought it probably didn’t have much to do with the aftershave he used.

Remus pulled his laptop onto his lap and flipped it open, clicking on the green Spotify logo at the bottom. “Any requests?”

“Nah, you put on whatever you fancy,” Sirius said as he stretched out, wishing there was a way he could restart his brain. It was like he had been replaced with a schoolgirl with a hopeless crush.

Remus thought for a second, his fingers poised above the keyboard. Struck with an idea, he typed a couple of words into the search bar, and tapped the first result; Electric Warrior by T. Rex.

“Bit rocky for when you’re lying in bed, don’t you think?” Sirius managed to whisper, his eyes finding Remus’s in the flickering candlelight.

“Not if you’re listening to the right songs,” Remus replied. He queued three songs from the album — Cosmic Dancer, Monolith and Life’s A Gas — and placed his laptop gently on the floor.

“Fair play,” Sirius shut his eyes, letting the music wash over him. He had a peculiar feeling of déjà-vu, and once again had to double check his memory to make sure he hadn’t met Remus before. It wasn’t natural to feel so comfortable, so at peace with someone you had just met, was it?

“This is weird,” Remus murmured.

Sirius felt as though his stomach had dropped out of his body. “I can go sleep on the sofa if you’ve changed your mind.”

“No, no, I didn’t mean it’s weird that you’re here,” The mattress squeaked as Remus rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his arm. “I’m just getting this weird feeling. Almost as if we’ve done this before. That’s mental, isn’t it?”

“No, I feel the same way,” Sirius breathed, his eyes boring into Remus’s. “We definitely haven’t met before, have we?”

The skin around Remus’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Nah, if I had met you before I would’ve known about it,” his long nose almost touching Sirius’s. Sirius didn’t want to exhale, worried that a breath of air would push Remus away from him.

Sirius felt his chest tighten. “Remus—”

“Right, it’s actually kind of late now. We should probably get to sleep,” a strange look clouded Remus’s eyes, and he suddenly jumped out of the bed, grabbing his laptop and shutting it with an aggressive snap, stopping the music mid lyric. He stiffly moved around the room, blowing out candles and turning off the fairy lights.

Sirius was stunned. He couldn’t figure out for the life of him what Remus was thinking, and began to worry that maybe he was the problem. The mattress shook as Remus got back into bed and flipped over, giving Sirius view of his freckled back. Sirius decided just to give up.

“Night Remus. Thanks for letting me stay,” Sirius whispered, turning over so he was facing away from him.

Silence hung in the air for a moment, and Sirius tried his best not to fidget, half thinking that Remus had already fallen asleep. The springs of the mattress suddenly squeaked and protested as Remus turned over, for what must have been the umpteenth time, and edged closed to Sirius.

“That’s no problem. Hope you sleep well,” Remus whispered into his ear.

Sirius froze, unsure what to do, but next thing he knew Remus was pressing his body into his back. His hips, knees and chest fit perfectly into every curve and crevice of Sirius’s frame, as if they were a jigsaw puzzle, finally coming together after a piece had gone missing. His arm snaked over Sirius’s hip, pausing for a second on his stomach, then fumbling under the fabric of his t-shirt, gliding up his chest until he had him held in a tight embrace. Finally, he rested his face in the crook of his neck, exhaling softly.

Sirius lay there in shock, hardly allowing himself to believe what was happening. He half expected to Remus to suddenly push him away, but he didn’t. It was the most emotionally confusing night he’d ever had, with Remus flip-flopping between wanting to be near him, to quickly moving away and changing the subject. Remus was warm against his cool skin, and he snuggled into the embrace, feeling strangely at home.

***

When Sirius woke the next morning he was astounded to find Remus was exactly in the same position, dozing quietly with his lips almost pressed to his neck. His arm was still tight around his body, and his knees were knocking into the backs of Sirius’s legs. Best of all, Sirius thought to himself, he could feel a slight bulge pressing in the small of his back. He licked his lips and shifted slightly, wanting to turn over and take a proper look at Remus in the daylight. As he moved, Remus moaned slightly into his neck, his body stiffening as he slowly woke up. Sirius tried to ignore how much he liked the sound Remus was making.

“Morning Remus,” Sirius whispered, not wanting to startle him.

Remus rolled onto his back and Sirius followed suit, not wanting to face away from him.

“Oh. Good morning,” Remus’s eyes fluttered open and his hands immediately went to his face, rubbing his sleep-filled eyes. “Sleep alright?”

“Yeah. It’s actually quite nice being the little spoon,” Sirius propped his head on his hand, smiling at the sight of Remus slowly waking up. In the golden morning light filtering through the curtains he seemed softer, more vulnerable to the world. It took everything in Sirius not to scoop him into his arms and hold him.

Remus didn’t respond to his comment, instead yawning widely. “Do you want a cup of tea or coffee?”

“Er, I think I’m alright for now, thanks,” Sirius had to be in a very specific mood to fancy a hot drink, and at the moment he had other things on his mind.

“Okay then,” Remus stopped rubbing his eyes and leant over to his bedside table, picking up a little silver alarm clock. “Shit.”

“What is it?” Sirius asked, placing a hand on the empty mattress between them, slowly reaching towards Remus.

“I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to run. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

Sirius swallowed his disappointment and snatched his hand back. “That’s alright. I’m meeting a friend anyway,” this wasn’t necessarily true, but he would be seeing James later at the flat, so it wasn’t a downright lie.

Remus rolled out of bed and stretched, his fingertips almost brushing the low ceiling. “You won’t want a shower or anything, will you?”

“No no, I’ll just get changed and then I’ll be off,” Sirius slid reluctantly from the bed, and picked up his shirt from his pile of clothes on the floor. He quickly dressed and pulled his boots on, sliding his phone into his back pocket.

Remus had shrugged on a dressing down, and was stood expectantly by the door. Sirius hoped he didn’t look too rough, and dragged a hand through his hair. He followed him downstairs, the house looking considerably less creepy in the light of day. Finally, Remus pulled open the front door, standing to the side so that Sirius could pass in front of him.

“I suppose this is goodbye,” Sirius said, standing awkwardly on the doorstep.

“Yeah…” Remus’s expression was unreadable.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?”

Remus’s face lit up. “Yeah! That would be good, actually. I don’t have your number?”

Sirius quickly pulled his phone from his pocket, hardly believing his luck. “You got your phone on you?”

“No, I’ve left it upstairs,” Remus hesitated, clearly in a rush.

Sirius passed him his phone. “Just give me your number, and I’ll send you a text so you have my number too.”

“Yeah, that’ll work,” Remus smiled and tapped at Sirius’s phone. “Okay, there you go. I put my whole name in, just in case you know another Remus.”

Sirius chuckled. “You’re the only Remus I’ve ever met, and I doubt I’ll ever meet another.”

“Quite right too,” Remus grinned.

“See you then. Thanks for letting me stay.”

“No problem. See you soon.”

Sirius stepped down towards the street, taking one final look back at Remus, who was leaning against the door, watching him leave. He got that funny melancholy feeling again, and was suddenly struck with a fear that he may never see Remus again. He waggled his fingers in a wave goodbye, and the door suddenly closed with a loud click.

Sirius descended the rest of the steps and walked down the road, telling himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure he saw Remus again. He was not someone he was going to lose.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius tells James about his night, and he's convinced to send a text.

“Hello?”

“Prongs? Are you at home?”

“Yeah, just got back from my run. Everything okay?”

Sirius sighed a breath of relief into his phone. “Yeah, I’m just round the corner but don’t have my keys, could you let me in?”

“Only if you say the magic word.”

“ _Please_ could you let me into the apartment where I pay half the rent?”

James’s crackled laughter tickled Sirius’s ear drums. “Alright then. Buzz when you’re here.”

“See you in a minute.” 

It was a chilly morning, and he half wished he’d asked to borrow a jumper of Remus’s for the walk home. He looked as though he owned some pretty cosy clothes, and if he had something of his it would mean they would have a reason to meet again. His flimsy shirt fluttered in the wind and his hair whipped around his face, the hairs on his arms standing on end.

He turned down his road and ambled up to the apartment he shared with James, jamming his finger on the buzzer. The door clicked open as James let him up, and he climbed the stairs, thinking about the long, hot shower he was going to treat himself to once he got in.

James was waiting with the front door open. “There he is! How was the walk of shame?”

“It wasn’t a walk of shame,” Sirius pushed past him. “There was no shame involved.”

James laughed and shut the door with his shoulder. “So… Did you go back with that boy? What was his name again? How was it? Did you shag? I bet you shagged, didn’t you?”

Sirius walked through to the kitchen and yanked the door of the fridge open. “It wasn’t like that. Could you give me five minutes before you start impersonating the Spanish Inquisition?”

“But nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

“I didn’t say I didn’t expect it,” Sirius shook his head in mock disappointment as he reached for the milk. “You’re not doing it right.”

“Oh, tomayto, tomahto,” James grinned. “You’re avoiding my questions. Was it a good shag? It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Fuck off,” Sirius took a swig of milk straight from the carton. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“That’s rich, coming from Mr-Let’s-Tell-Each-Other-About-Every-Shag-We-Have.”

Sirius sighed dramatically as he walked through to the living room, collapsing on the sofa. “ _Fine_. We didn’t shag. I didn’t even go over there for a shag! I left my keys at Frank’s and couldn’t get in last night, because _someone’s_ phone was dead.”

“Ah, the classic ‘I forgot my keys so please can I come over to yours’ trick?” James plonked himself down on the sofa next to Sirius, his brown eyes glittering.

Sirius kicked him. “I’m not going to tell you anything if you’re going to act like a twat.”

James raised his hands in defeat. “Alright! I’m sorry. Please continue.”

Sirius glared at him for a moment, then softened. “I ended up talking to Remus all night. We walked back together, then I realised I didn’t have my keys and couldn’t get into contact with you. He said I could crash at his so that’s what I did. End of story.”

James hummed. “I’m not sure if that’s end of story. I saw how you were looking at him in the smoking area. You were whipped.”

“I’m not whipped! It’s just, oh God, I don’t know. It felt like we really connected, if that makes sense? Almost as if I’ve known him for years without even realising it. We’ve got so much in common, but even then the stuff we don’t have in common it was sort of like I understood it?” Sirius paused, looking down at his hands. “I’ve never felt like that before. It was… I dunno. It was just so nice being with him.”

James was staring at Sirius in astonishment. “I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like that. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Sirius laughed, in spite of himself. “It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

“Did you not even kiss or anything?”

“Nope! Literally nothing happened. I don’t think he likes me in that way. He was just being kind.”

“Where’d you sleep?”

“In his bed.”

James whooped. “In his bed! Sirius, that isn’t platonic. Did you cuddle?”

Sirius hesitated, not wanting James to get the wrong end of the stick. “Well, he sort of spooned me, but—”

“Bloody hell, are you hearing what you’re saying? He _spooned_ you? For how long?”

“Erm, all night?”

James bounced on the sofa, clapping his hands in glee. “Sirius, come _on_! I can’t believe you’re being this oblivious! If this bloke didn’t like you he would not have spooned you.”

“Yeah, but he kicked me out pretty much as soon as he woke up,” Sirius bit his lip as he thought back to Remus’s mood swings. “He literally ran hot and cold all night, I thought we were going to kiss so many times, but each time he pulled away and changed the subject.”

“Hmm,” James scratched his chin, thinking deeply. “Maybe he’s still in the closet? Or maybe he’s scared of making the first move?”

“Or maybe he just doesn’t fancy me?”

“Bullshit. You wouldn’t catch me spooning a bloke I didn’t fancy.”

“I knew there was a reason why you always wanted to cuddle me,” Sirius winked, and James playfully shoved his shoulder.

“You tell yourself that. Have you got his number?”

“Yeah, he gave it to me before I left.”

“Sirius, the bloke fancies you,” James stated it as if it was common knowledge, but Sirius couldn’t help but feel doubtful.

“Look, I don’t want to get my hopes up and get my feelings hurt. It’s better to be cautious, surely,” Sirius bit his lip.

Sirius was prone to heartache. He would tumble into his feelings, as easily as sinking into a warm bath, routinely mistaking attraction with love. He’d meet a guy, fall head over heels, but after a few dates he’d get the ick and not want anything to do with them anymore. This time it felt different— _Remus_ felt different. Sirius couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something he felt about the boy with golden eyes and curly hair that was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. An odd sense of deja-vu, a feeling of familiarity and ease, almost as if they had known each other longer than they had been alive.

“Text him. See where it goes,” James ordered.

“If I text him will you leave me alone?”

James nodded, a shit-eating grin wide on his face.

Sirius sighed again and pulled out his phone, tapping on Remus’s contact and sending a quick message.

**Sirius:** Hey Remus, it’s Sirius. Sirius Black, incase you know another Sirius. Just texting so you have my number saved!

“There. How’s that?”

“Bloody hell, thought you had more game than that. That text is drier than a nun’s vag.”

“That’s fucking rancid!” Sirius barked with laughter. “I thought I told you to stop talking about vaginas around me.”

James shrugged, still grinning broadly. “Well, if you get a response to that it’ll be a miracle.”

Sirius peered down at his phone, suddenly anxious. “Do you reckon he’ll air me?”

“Dunno, you haven’t really given him much to respond to.”

“Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed,” James began wandering out of the room. “Oh, hey, did I tell you I got Lily’s number?”

“Ah, nice one,” Sirius tried to sound happy for his friend, but couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. “She seemed alright.”

“Yeah! Err, do you remember that redhead I was obsessed with last year?”

“How could I forget?” Sirius said idly, thinking back to their first year of university. It was a near daily occurrence that James would come into his room, flop onto his bed and whine about how beautiful this girl he met was, and how they were destined to be together.

“Well… That was Lily.”

This time it was Sirius’s turn to stare at his friend, mouth agape. “Lily is Future Wife? She’s the redheaded heart-breaker? The one and only girl for you?”

James shifted uncomfortably, swinging the the door of the living room back and forth as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. “Yeah… Basically, the thing is, I know I behaved like a bit of a dickhead last year, but I’ve grown up a bit now. I think she can see that. I can’t believe she’s actually giving me a chance, so yeah, I’m really hoping I won’t muck it up.”

Sirius smiled warmly at his fidgeting friend. He was still dressed in his running clothes, his jet-black hair messy as ever, falling into the tops of his tortoiseshell glasses. His cheeks were slightly flushed — James always blushed whenever he spoke about his feelings — but his eyes were bright.

“You won’t muck it up. If she’s got any brains she’ll realise what a catch you are.”

“Ah, shut up,” James said, without any bite. “I’m going for a shower.”

“Okay,” Sirius said as he reached for the TV remote. “Don’t be too long.”

“I miss you already!” James shouted as he banged the bathroom door shut.

Sirius grinned to himself as he settled into the sofa to watch the morning news.

***

Later that afternoon Sirius was freshly showered, lounging again on the sofa next to James. He hadn't looked at his phone, having flung it into the far corner of the living room after realising how incredibly cringe his text was to Remus. He was determined not to pick it up, but couldn’t resist the thought of being able to speak to him. He slid from the sofa, and nervously made his way over to the phone, where it was face down on the floor. He grabbed it with bated breath, and clicked on the message thread.

His heart sank.

**Sirius:** Hey Remus, it’s Sirius. Sirius Black, incase you know another Sirius. Just texting so you have my number saved!

**Read 11:07**

_Shit_. He’d seen the message, Remus had seen the message. Remus had seen the message and not responded.

“Prongs,” Sirius wailed. “He’s left me on read.”

“Oh mate,” James smiled sympathetically as he patted the sofa next to him. Sirius clambered back on. “How long’s it been?”

“Four hours!” Sirius flung his head backwards and stared at the ceiling. “Fuck! You were right, message was too dead to reply to.”

“You need to come up with a conversation starter. Or just straight up ask if he fancies going for a drink.”

“I am _not_ asking him out after he’s aired my message. My ego is damaged enough.”

James chewed his lip, thinking. “Alright then. Come up with something to say then.”

“I can’t!” Sirius rubbed his face angrily. “I don’t know what to say. How do I start a conversation without coming across as desperate? I need a proper reason to text him.”

“Why don’t you tell him you’ve lost your ID and ask if he can see it in his room? It’s a bit less obvious than losing your wallet.”

“Prongs!” Sirius whacked his arm. “You're a bloody genius! That’s perfect!”

James grinned and shrugged. “Took you long enough to realise.”

Sirius quickly began typing.

**Sirius:** Hey, I can’t seem to find my ID in my wallet, I didn’t leave it at yours, did I?

“How’s that?” Sirius turned his phone to James, who squinted at the screen.

“Yeah, it’s a straight up question, he’ll have to reply and then you can get the conversation flowing.”

“Brilliant!” Sirius grinned at his phone, and nearly jumped out of his skin as it vibrated. “Fuck!”

“Fuck,” James echoed. “That’s not him already, is it?”

“Nah,” Sirius sighed with relief. “It’s Frank, asking when I’m going to come and pick up my jacket.”

“Ah. Shall we just go now?”

“I can’t be bothered,” Sirius whined, stretching out on the sofa. “I’m so comfy!”

James jumped to his feet and yanked Sirius’s phone from his hand. “Come on, you lazy git. You’re leaving your phone here and we’re going to walk round to Frank’s.”

Sirius complained as James pulled him to his feet, but didn't resist as he ushered him through to the hallway, where he pulled on some trainers that he wasn’t sure if they belonged to him or James.

The walk to Frank’s wasn’t long, and James nattered nonstop about Lily the whole journey, potentially as payback for having to listen to Sirius’s pining. Frank looked incredibly rough when he opened the door, inviting them into the darkened living room which still had the telltale remnants of the party the night before. Half drank bottles, empty cups and baggies were littered here and there, a deck of cards stuck on spilt alcohol on the table. A birthday banner was ripped and lay in pieces on the floor, disco lights cluttered into every corner. The sticky smell of booze hit Sirius’s nostrils and he gagged.

“Bloody hell Frank, why haven’t you cleared up yet? The fumes in this room are almost strong enough to get you drunk.”

“Hair of the dog, init?” Frank grinned. “Nah, leave it out, I only woke up an hour ago. We had afters here and they didn’t leave till about 8.”

“Fair play,” James glanced about the room. “Where’d you leave your jacket Sirius?”

“I have a weird feeling I shoved it under the sofa,” Sirius crouched down and rooted under one of the black leather sofas, pulling his arm out triumphantly. He could hear his keys jangling in the pocket. “Got it!”

“If I were you I’d give that a wash before you next wear it,” Frank crinkled his nose. “This house hardly gets cleaned, and I know for a fact the bottom of the sofa has never been touched.”

“Thanks mate,” Sirius tried not to sound judgemental. He wouldn’t call himself a neat freak, but he enjoyed being in a clean and tidy place. It was something that he developed while living with his parents. Their maid hated him, and as a result Sirius banned her from entering his room, instead taking it upon himself to keep it clean. It was the one bit of control he had at home; his room was his to have as he liked, and keeping it tidy was like a ritual for him. 

“Good birthday though?” James asked.

“Absolute belter, wasn’t it? I heard someone pulled?” Frank looked at Sirius pointedly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m not telling you anything.”

“Right, on that note we better be off,” James flashed a knowing grin at Sirius. “We’ll host the next one.”

“Yeah, you bloody better! My neighbours are right up my arse 'cos apparently we’re too noisy,” Frank shook his head and led them towards the door. “See you soon!”

“Bye Frank!” Sirius and James chorused as the door banged shut behind them.

“Whenever I talk to Frank I feel like such an old man, even though he's a year older,” James sighed.

“He’s always been on another level,” Sirius grinned. “Shall we pick up a curry for dinner?”

“What a banger of an idea.”

***

By the time the boys got home it was dark, and they wasted no time popping open some bottles of beer, peeling open the plastic takeaway boxes and scoffing their food. It was only later when they settled down to watch a film did Sirius remember his text to Remus. He reached for his phone, left discarded on the table, and turned it over with bated breath.

**Remus:** Hey! Sorry Sirius but I can’t seem to find it, turned my room upside down looking. Hopefully you can find it soon.

“He replied!” Sirius exclaimed, bouncing on the sofa. “He finally replied to me!”

“Finally! Now’s your chance to get a conversation going,” James folded his arms and looked back at the TV. “I’m out, you're on your own now.”

“Thanks babe,” Sirius placed his head on James’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

James scoffed and pushed Sirius’s phone towards him. “Reply to him, you plonker.”

Sirius happily obeyed.

**Sirius:** I’m an actual idiot, I’ve just found it now! It was in my wallet the whole time hahaha. Hope u didn’t mess your room up too much, really sorry about that :(

His phone dinged a reply almost instantly.

“Cor, he’s on it, isn’t he?” James idly commented, eyes glued to the TV.

**Remus:** Don’t worry about it, it needed a bit of a sort out anyway.

 **Sirius:** U up to much tonight or just reorganising your room?

 **Remus:** Lily’s forcing me to go out for some drinks. I couldn’t come up with an excuse quick enough so now I have to go.

 **Sirius:** Out? On a Sunday?? U absolute mad man!

 **Remus:** Don’t even. I’m just a sucker for peer pressure.

 **Sirius:** I’m sure u'll enjoy it while you’re out! Have a vodka coke on me :)

 **Remus:** Yeah, maybe. Doubt I’ll be accepting any drinks off strangers tonight.

 **Sirius:** Stop it, you’re making me feel special

 **Remus:** I’ll speak to you later, Lily’s just arrived.

 **Sirius:** Ok, take care!

Sirius groaned as soon as he sent the last text, instantly regretting how cringe it was.

James sighed. “What’ve you said now?”

“I told him to take care,” Sirius grimaced.

“Oh mate, you’re really in deep aren’t you?” James grinned, taking delight in his friends turmoil.

“Looks like it,” Sirius buried his face in his heads and stifled a scream. “He must think I’m the lamest person on the planet.”

“Can you blame him?”

Sirius whacked him with a cushion.

***

Around midnight Sirius decided to get some sleep. He bid James goodnight, brushed his teeth, and pulled his hair into a top knot. He was just about to get into bed when his phone dinged.

**Remus:** Are yuo awake?

 **Sirius:** Yeh, is everything ok?

 **Remus:** I’ve been thinking about you.

 **Sirius:** Who, little old me?

 **Sirius:** I’m flattered :)

 **Remus:** Still at this shitty bar but don’t wannabe here.

 **Sirius:** Are u able to leave?

 **Sirius:** Get a cab back or something

 **Remus:** Yeah, maybe. What are you doing?

 **Sirius:** Nothing rlly, just at my flat

 **Remus:** It would be nice to meet soon.

Sirius’s stomach starting doing somersaults.

**Sirius:** Define soon

 **Sirius:** Tonight or in a few days?

 **Remus:** Tonight?

 **Sirius:** Are u sure you’re not too drunk?

 **Remus:** I’ll sober up on the walk back.

Sirius restrained the urge to throw his phone across the room, and felt his cheeks flare red.

**Sirius:** Will u be okay walking back alone?

 **Sirius:** I can meet you halfway?

 **Sirius:** À la Black Eyed Peas

 **Remus:** I’ll be fine.

 **Sirius:** Well, if you’re sure!

 **Sirius:** Yeh, it would be nice to see u

 **Remus:** Leaving now.

 **Sirius:** Text me when you’re near

 **Sirius:** Do u remember where I live?

 **Remus:** Yeah. Won’t be long.

 **Sirius:** Ok, stay safe

Sirius dropped his phone and looked frantically around his room. It was tidy, of course it was, but he still worried that something was out of place. He jumped up and straightened his laptop on his desk, scooping up a couple of receipts and throwing them into the bin. He’d vacuumed two days ago, so should be okay on that front. The bathroom was clean too, and luckily there were fresh sheets on his bed. He bounded to James’s room and knocked softly on the door.

“What’s up?”

Sirius pushed the door open, his cheeks still red hot. James was lying on his side in bed, scrolling through his phone. He looked up expectantly at him.

Sirius couldn't help but smile. “So, Remus is on his way over.”

“Get in!” James looked delighted. “Told you he was into you.”

“We’ll have to see. I’ll make sure we’re not too loud.”

“Oh, shag away,” James grinned. “I’ll be asleep in a second, and you know when I sleep, I _sleep_.”

Sirius felt his cheeks blush redder. “I don’t think shagging is on the cards yet.”

James nodded, waving a hand at him. “You have my blessing. Now get lost and let me go to beddie byes.”

Sirius winked, and shut the door, rushing back to his room to give it another once over. He looked at his record player, wondering which album to put on. _Sticky Fingers_ caught his eye, and he hurried to put it on the turntable, turning the volume down low. He checked his appearance in the mirror, and shrugged. There wasn’t much he could do to his face, so it would have to do. As an afterthought, he quickly grabbed a random book from his shelf and placed it on his bed so it didn't look as though he was sat doing nothing — and then proceeded to sit and twiddle his thumbs. He was so deep in a daydream he _almost_ didn’t hear his phone dinging.

**Remus:** I think I’m outside.

Sirius jumped up, as though he had been struck by lightening, and rushed onto the landing, pressing the button that opened the main door. He pushed a doorstop under the door and bounded down the stairs, eager to see Remus again. As he jumped down the final step he came face to face with him. His smooth cheeks were flushed, accentuating his freckles, and his hair a little untidy from the wind, curls bouncing in every direction. He was wearing a soft jumper, the loose collar pulled slightly to the left, exposing a hint of collarbone.

Sirius felt his breath catch in his throat and was only just able to whisper one word. “Hey.”

Remus grinned; a dopey, rueful grin, but a grin nonetheless. He pushed the door shut behind him. “Hey.”

Sirius’s stomach felt like it was a washing machine on a quick spin cycle. “Fancy coming up?”

Remus tilted his head, his bloody perfect dimple teasing Sirius. “Nah, think I’d prefer to have a kip in the foyer.”

“Suit yourself,” Sirius placed a foot on the stairs, looking back at Remus with a smirk. “Although I must tell you, I have a memory foam mattress topper.”

Remus laughed, his pink tongue poking out from his teeth, and stepped behind Sirius, placing his hands gently on his hips. “Lead the way.”

Sirius could have died in that very moment, but managed to retain his consciousness as he continued up the stairs. Remus’s hands fell from his hips as they climbed up, coming to a stop by the front door.

“Welcome to my humble adobe,” Sirius said dramatically as he pushed the door open. “It’s a shoes off gaff, so kindly strip down to your socks.”

Remus nodded and quickly toed his trainers off, grinning as he looked around the apartment. “It’s so nice here! You wouldn’t believe it’s a student flat.”

Sirius was proud of the home he shared with James. Their landlord was surprisingly lenient and allowed them to hammer nails into the walls, as long as they remembered to fill in the holes when they left. They hung various prints of photographs and paintings from exhibitions that caught Sirius’s eye on the walls, and had various lights and lampshades that they had picked up from vintage markets. James adored plants, so they had greenery on almost every surface in the flat. He insisted it was good for oxygen, but all Sirius was concerned about was how infrequently he watered them.

“What, are you saying students have no sense of interior design?” Sirius feigned offence as they walked through to the kitchen.

“Well, for most students it stops at LEDs and empty bottles of alcohol,” Remus grinned.

“Speaking of, you’ve sobered up quickly, haven’t you? Or were your drunk texts were just a ploy to get yourself invited over?” Sirius raised his eyebrows, leaning back on the kitchen counter.

Remus ducked his head, blushing slightly. “I wasn’t drunk, just a bit tipsy. The walk sobered me up.”

“Oh yeah?” Sirius was glad that he had some sort of control over the situation, for what seemed to be the first time. “This isn’t a booty call, is it?”

Remus managed to make eye contact, even though his cheeks were now red. “It isn’t a booty call," the words sounded strange coming from Remus's mouth. “I just thought it would be nice to see you,” he spoke measuredly, as if worried Sirius would misunderstand.

“Well, I’m glad you came over,” Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes away from Remus’s golden ones. “Would you like a drink?”

“Water would be great, thanks.”

Sirius reached for the water filter in the fridge, smirking at Remus’s unimpressed expression as he poured him a glass.

“I could tell you were a posh boy, but a water filter?” Remus shook his head. “You’re something else.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow in what he hoped was a seductive way. “Once you’ve had a taste of my fresh, filtered water you’ll never go back.”

“Is that a promise?” Remus smirked as he held his hand out for the glass, taking a sip.

Sirius wasn’t quite sure what Remus was getting at, but wasn’t going to pass up on a chance on being suggestive. “Could be. How about we take this filtered water through to the bedroom?”

Remus snorted. “Yeah, go on then.” 

Sirius led the way, trying to ignore the connotations of having an exceedingly attractive man in his bedroom.

“Sirius, your room is amazing,” Remus said earnestly as he moved about, looking at the posters tacked to the walls. “I’m glad you don’t have the big light on.”

“Fuck the big light,” Sirius grinned. “Low-light is where it’s at.”

“Quite,” Remus hummed, and turned to face Sirius.

The air felt solid between them, and all Sirius wanted to do was close the gap and let himself be enveloped by him. He wanted Remus to surround him, to fill in the cracks and complete him. It felt as though he simultaneously knew Remus inside out but also didn’t know him at all. His throat felt dry and he swallowed frantically, not sure where to lead the conversation. _Moonlight Mile_ finished playing on his record player, seemingly urging him to greatness.

“Do you fancy watching a film?” he blurted out. Some greatness that was.

Remus blinked. “Yeah, alright.”

The bed creaked as they clambered on, limbs and clothing tangling as they made themselves comfortable.

“What’s this?” Remus pulled a book from underneath him. It was the one Sirius had planted earlier, and his heart sank, realising which book he had unknowingly selected. “Bit of midnight reading?”

“You’re not the only one who likes to read,” Sirius leant over, trying to snatch the book but Remus held it out of reach, his long arms no match for Sirius’s. “Give it back.”

Remus smirked. “Why so protective? It’s only a book.”

As far as Sirius could tell, Remus hadn’t looked at the cover of the book yet, and leant further over, trying but failing to grab it from between Remus’s long fingers.

“Just give it back,” Sirius tried not to sound too urgent, worried that it would cause Remus to finally look curiously at the cover. Remus shook his head and Sirius swung a leg over him, clambering on top of him as he reached for the book, grabbing his wrist with glee. Suddenly, the desperation to get the book faded, and Sirius realised exactly what he was doing to Remus.

Remus was stretched on the bed, half reclining against the headboard, book held securely in his left hand. Sirius was now effectively straddling him, knees either side of his hips, leaning forward with his fingers curled around Remus’s bony wrist. Remus’s mouth fell slightly open to form a soft o shape, and Sirius felt frozen in place, feeling the heat rising in his cheeks.

“Sirius,” Remus whispered his name so gently, so softly, in a way he’d never heard before. His heart felt as though it was hammering through his chest and he wondered if Remus was able to hear it. “We shouldn’t…”

Sirius licked his lips nervously. “Give me one reason why we shouldn’t.”

Remus’s golden eyes flicked between Sirius’s ones. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if trying to speak and then instantly deciding against it. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he repeated his words from the night before, when they were looking at the stars, but this time they were cryptic and ambiguous.

Sirius frowned, his words ringing in his head. “Then tell me.”

“I don’t know if I can,” his voice was low and husky, his cheeks flushed pink.

Sirius didn’t want to do anything without explicit consent, and reluctantly let go of his wrist, lifting his leg to swing back onto his side of the bed. There was a thud as Remus dropped the book to the floor, suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to remain in the position.

“Stay,” he commanded.

Sirius squirmed. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” his proximity to Remus was intoxicating, and his crotch was in a dangerous position — any unwelcome growth would be more than obvious, and Sirius was determined not to come across as totally hopeless.

Remus’s right hand travelled up his shoulder, round the curve of his neck and finally came to a rest on his jaw. Sirius tingled at the contact; the feather-light touch like a kiss from a butterfly. He tilted his head into Remus’s hand, his middle finger gently stroking the soft skin beneath his ear.

“You’re a bit of a mindfuck, Remus Lupin.”

Remus smirked, raising his eyebrows briefly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

With that, he gently pulled Sirius’s head down to meet his, his hand slacking just before their noses touched. Their breath mingled, eyes connected. Sirius felt as though it was impossible to look away from the kaleidoscope of golden hues in his eyes. He reached out a tentative hand and swept a curl from Remus’s forehead, tracing down his face. Remus inhaled sharply as he brushed a finger over his soft, pink lips. Sirius wanting nothing more than to ravish him. He tilted his chin upwards, his long nose finally brushing with Sirius’s. It was as though time had stopped.

“Kiss me,” Remus breathed into the void.

Sirius didn’t need to be told twice.

He finally closed that infuriating gap that had been bothering him since they met. He kissed Remus tenderly, tilting his head to get a comfortable angle. Remus hummed contentedly, Sirius feeling the noise in his chest, and was surprised when Remus gently parted his lips, his tongue reaching towards Sirius's. Sirius deepened the kiss with fervour, running his hand around the back of Remus’s neck and pulling them even closer together, finally getting the contact he was so desperate for. His fingers tangled in his curls, enjoying how soft and bouncy they were, and resisted the urge to pull on them. There would be time for that later. Remus’s hands snaked around Sirius’s back, slipping under the fabric of his t-shirt. They kissed for what seemed to be an eternity, eyes squeezed shut, mouths open wide as they felt and explored each other. Sirius dragged his mouth away from Remus’s, trailing kisses down his jaw and into the crook of his neck, inhaling his soft mahogany and vanilla scent. He kissed languidly, enjoying the soft moans that slipped from Remus’s mouth every now and then, melting into the soft taste of his skin. Remus was everything he could have imagined, and more.

He finally sat back up, wanting to look at the person beneath him. Remus’s eyes were dark and wild, cheeks redder than he’d ever seen, curls unruly on Sirius’s striped pillowcase. He was breathing heavily, his mouth hanging open, lips puffy and red. Sirius couldn’t help himself.

“You’re beautiful.”

Remus’s eyes widened then narrowed, as if failing to believe that Sirius was telling the truth. “Don’t—”

“I mean it. You’re beautiful,” Sirius repeated, knowing there was no argument there.

Remus’s mouth twitched and he suddenly grabbed Sirius, flipping them over so he was on top. “You talk too much,” he said simply, holding Sirius down by the shoulders. He automatically bucked his hips up, impatient for more contact, but Remus was steadfast, unmoving.

“Give me something else to do with my mouth then,” Sirius smirked, suddenly enjoying how powerless he felt under Remus’s touch.

“Let’s not ruin things,” Remus placed a finger on Sirius’s lips, who had to exercise every last bit of self-restraint not to open his mouth and suck. “I think we should just leave it here.”

Sirius stared up at Remus, baffled. Just a moment ago he was snogging his face off, moaning as he moved on top of his body. But now, it was almost as if his eyes had hardened, the wild pools of honey setting into solid amber. Unfaltering, unblinking, but completely changed. Sirius pulled himself up onto his elbows, biting his lip.

“I understand,” Sirius couldn’t hide his disappointment, but he was the last person on earth to force someone to do something they didn’t want to.

Remus nodded and rolled back to his side of the bed, reaching down to pick up the book he’d dropped. “Sorry about your book,” he said sincerely, going to hand it back to Sirius. He stopped suddenly, looked at the cover, and began cackling.

“ _Maurice_? You had _Maurice_ on your bed?” Remus was shaking with laughter, one hand clasped over his mouth.

Sirius could feel his cheeks blushing a furious shade of pink, and ashamedly took the book from Remus. “It was the first book I grabbed from my shelf,” he said bitterly, placing the troublesome book back in its rightful home.

“You just so happened to pick a book about a bloke at uni who falls in love with another bloke?” Remus’s tongue played with the corner of his mouth, and Sirius sighed. He was completely irresistible.

“Yeah. It was a coincidence,” Sirius said firmly, tired of playing games.

“Alright,” Remus said lightly.

“Do you want anything to sleep in?” Sirius asked, mirroring what Remus had asked him the previous night.

Remus shook his head. “As long as you don’t mind me in my boxers.”

Sirius tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, not bothering to reply. Remus grinned.

They undressed quickly, Sirius also deciding to strip down to his boxers. He couldn’t help but notice way Remus’s eyes raked hungrily over his body, and smirked to himself, enjoying how attractive he felt in front of him.

They slipped under the duvet, Sirius turning onto his left side. Remus’s warmth quickly greeted him, pressing his body into his back just like he did the night before. The skin on skin contact was almost too much for Sirius, and he wished more than anything to be able to turn over and run his hands over Remus’s taut body. But he couldn’t — he knew he couldn’t, and he shut his eyes, feeling almost more confused than he did before Remus arrived. Remus cuddled into him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck, arms wrapped protectively around his bare chest. Sirius easily slipped into a deep sleep, dreaming of boys with golden eyes and honey-coloured curls, snogging like it was the only thing left to do.

When Sirius woke the next day the bed felt surprisingly cold. He turned over, groggily reaching out for Remus, but felt nothing. He peeled his eyes open, blinking in the morning light, wondering what was going on. His bed was empty.

“Remus?” he croaked, pulling himself out of bed and padding out of his room, scratching his head in bewilderment. Remus’s battered Reeboks were missing from by the front door.

“He’s gone,” James called from the kitchen. Sirius walked through, indifferent to the fact that he was half naked. James smiled sympathetically, prodding a bowl of soggy Weetabix. “I heard the door go around six thirty. I was in the shower.”

“Oh,” Sirius couldn’t bear to look at his flatmate, with his pitying eyes.

“I’m sorry mate. Did he not wake you?” Sirius shook his head, blinking furiously in confusion and misery. “Maybe he had a lecture, or something?”

“Yeah, maybe,” thinking about it was painful. Sirius turned to leave the kitchen, unable to shake the feeling that there was something he didn’t know.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sirius knew James had to leave for his 10am seminar shortly, and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later.”

“I’m sure there’s a reason he didn’t wake you or leave a note,” James assured him, as if reading his mind. Sirius shrugged and smiled slightly, though it was more for James’s sake than his.

“James, I hardly know him. He doesn’t owe me anything.”

James looked as though he was going to say something, but Sirius turned and made his way to the bathroom, suddenly filled with an urge to stand under very hot water and forget about the horrible ache in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> British slang:  
> Whipped - obsessed with someone  
> Air - ignore/pretend not to see  
> Dead - boring  
> Pull - get with someone  
> Kip - sleep  
> Gaff - house


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus explains to Sirius why he ran off, and they go on a date or two.
> 
> Lil bit of smut at the end so be warned!

Sirius took a long drag of his cigarette and held his breath, enjoying how light-headed he was feeling. He exhaled slowly, watching the grey smoke unfurl and dance away from him, snaking up towards the equally grey sky. University could be so pointless sometimes. He’d dragged himself in specifically for a seminar that ended up just being one of his lecturers prattling off a powerpoint that was emailed to them all anyway. What on earth was the point in coming in if your lecturer wasn’t even going to add anything of value? Sometimes he would lament what he was paying nine grand a year for, but contented himself with the thought that he had a tutorial with his favourite lecturer tomorrow. He sighed and leant against the wall, tapping the ash off his cig as he watched people mill about campus.

People watching was one of his favourite things to do. Smoking was an excellent cover for it; for some reason having a cigarette in your hand made you look considerably less creepy when loitering outside a building. Sirius looked over the top of his sunglasses with a slight smirk, almost feeling as though he owned the place. He watched the girl wearing a yellow puffer jacket and grey Kanken backpack hurry out of one of the buildings, shaking her tangled headphones impatiently as she moved towards the street. He noticed how a boy instantly started scowling as soon as he said goodbye to his friend, kicking his converse angrily against the curb. He saw the tired looking lecturer weighed down with a heavy satchel on her shoulder, rubbing her temples slowly with one hand as she tapped quickly at the phone in her other hand. He observed the group of skaters stood in a cluster, gripping their sticker covered boards, trying to decide where to go and skate. What Sirius didn’t notice, however, was one particularly lanky boy with curly hair, making a somewhat unsure beeline towards him.

“Sirius,”

Sirius nearly dropped his cigarette in shock. Remus Lupin was stood opposite him, shuffling his feet slightly as he stared intently at him. He didn’t know how to react. It had been over a week since he had vanished from his apartment, and had heard nothing from him since. Sirius looked at him vacantly over his black sunglasses, as if he didn’t recognise him.

“Can I speak to you?” Remus asked bluntly. He was wearing an emerald green beanie which pressed his soft curls onto his forehead. “Please?”

Sirius took a deep drag of his cigarette, selfishly enjoying how troubled Remus looked. He exhaled with a sigh. “I suppose.”

“I’m really sorry about running off last week,” Remus said frankly, his eyes boring into Sirius’s. “It was insanely rude of me, and you don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to. There was somewhere I really needed to be, but didn’t want to wake you. I just want you to know I’m sorry.”

Sirius felt conflicted, and pushed his sunglasses onto his head so he could look at Remus properly. There was something strangely honest about him and his apology seemed sincere, yet something didn’t feel right. He went to take a drag of his cigarette, realised it had burnt out, and dropped it to the floor, grinding it beneath the toe of his boots.

He sighed. “Couldn’t you have texted me this? Not sure why you’ve waited a week. That’s what annoyed me the most, to be honest, not hearing from you.”

“Ah,” Remus’s cheeks flared pink. “You see, I’m not really the best at texting.”

Sirius laughed at how ludicrous that was. “You’ve got hands, haven’t you? A simple text just saying something like ‘sorry I left this morn, had somewhere more important to get to’ would’ve suffice.”

Remus’s cheeks darkened to a deep shade of red. “I know. I just didn’t think, and then too much time had passed and then I overthought it and then when I heard nothing from you—”

“I wasn’t going to be the first to text after you ran out on me after I kissed you!” Sirius exclaimed. “I’ve got a bit more self-respect than that.”

“That’s not why I left,” Remus said quietly. “You probably won’t believe me, but I did want to stay. You didn’t scare me off.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry Sirius. I don’t know what else I can do now except apologise,” Remus looked so distraught that Sirius instantly softened.

“I just wish you had texted,” Sirius said bitterly. “It’s such a head-fuck. You make me feel as though you don’t want anything to do with me.”

“Sirius,” Remus took a step towards him, into a ray of sunlight that fell in a slant across his freckles. Sirius could see the fine hairs on his face. “I like you. I really like you, actually. I think it’s just that, well I think that I— no, I know that I overthink things. And panic. And assume the worst.”

Sirius was taken aback. It was the first time that Remus had admitted to actually liking him, and wasn’t sure if he wanted to feel overjoyed or confused. It almost felt as though he should say it back, but couldn’t bring himself to it.

Instead Sirius decided to shake his head, smiling sadly. “You’re the subject of so many of my emotions.”

Remus’s inhaled sharply and looked at him with such intensity that Sirius wondered if he had said something wrong. He sighed awkwardly, pressing the nail of his ring finger tightly into the top his thumb, grounding himself with the dull pain. It didn’t seem as though Remus had anything else to say, so he spoke again.

“I can’t keep putting myself through this.”

Remus’s mouth seemed to come unstuck, and now he spoke sincerely. “You won’t have to. I just needed to sort something out but it’s done now. I’m not going to fuck you about again.”

Sirius hesitated. Words couldn’t explain how much he wanted to move on with Remus, yet something inside him was screaming to be careful. He had always been told he was unlovable; that the way his family treated him was the best he would ever get and he’d never be lucky enough to experience anything more. Although he had been free from that toxic environment for a few years now, and had slowly come to the realisation that love was not what he had received at home, some of the poisonous words that his mother used to feed him still rang true.

Despite all that, there was something about Remus’s big amber eyes and soft expression that just made Sirius melt inside. He seemed to sense that Sirius was thawing, and his mouth twitched into a warm smile.

“Come on, if you can bring it in yourself to forgive me I’ll buy you a pint,” Remus tilted his head to the side, his dimple forming in his left cheek.

Sirius knew he was a goner.

“Make it a gin and lemonade and I’ll be there.”

Remus grinned crookedly, and tugged the strap of his backpack up his shoulder. “You can have whatever you fancy.”

“Well that’s an offer I can’t refuse,” Sirius pushed off the wall, grinning. “Don’t you have a lecture to get to?”

“Sod it,” Remus said breezily. “This is far more important.”

“I don’t want you to miss a lecture on my account!” Sirius exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous, I’ll meet you after.”

“You’re far more interesting than Chaucer,” Remus smirked. “Besides, I’ve forgotten my translation, so I’ll have no clue what I’m reading.”

Sirius laughed. “You’re the sort of bloke who could read Middle English without a translation.”

Remus thought for a moment, then grinned cockily. “That gentil text kan I wel understonde.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m not even going to ask if that’s a quote from the _Canterbury Tales_.”

“Yeah, Wife of Bath. Feminist icon,” Remus tilted his head to indicate they start walking, and Sirius fell into step next to him. “Or maybe not. Some say she was a caricature of anti-feminism.”

“You know I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sirius laughed. “Never fancied reading Chaucer, believe it or not.”

“At least you’ve heard of him. Although, I feel like you only read Chaucer if you’re an English Lit student,” Remus paused, thinking. “Or if you get off on not understanding a single word of what you’re reading.”

“The latter sounds like me,” Sirius smirked. “Where are we going?”

“Oh, I know a place,” Remus turned to look at Sirius, smiling cheekily. “Trust me?”

There was something about the way he enunciated the two last words that made them drip with suggestiveness.

“Bloody hell, not when you say it like that,” Sirius laughed.

Remus merely shrugged, fighting a smirk. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“You’ll just have to teach me,” Sirius replied lasciviously.

Remus groaned softly and grabbed Sirius’s hand, pulling him sharply down a narrow street and into an alley behind a large building.

Sirius was baffled. “What on earth are you—”

And then Remus kissed him. Hot, passionate and rough, pushing him up against the grimy wall and pressing his entire body onto his. Sirius parted his lips eagerly, having dreamt of having a second kiss every night since their first. Feeling every groove of Remus’s body against him was enough to make him hard, and his hands roamed down his back, greedily feeling the soft curve of his arse. He tasted of bergamot and chocolate, an enticing mix of bitter and sweet on Sirius’s tongue as he drank in the feeling of having Remus pressed tight against him.

Feeling a similar hardness near the top of his thigh, Sirius involuntarily rutted against him, hormones and adrenaline running wild. Remus tore his lips from him, running his hands down his sides. Sirius shivered at the touch.

“Nice boys don’t kiss like that,” Sirius murmured, feeling as though he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

Remus trailed kisses down his throat, causing Sirius’s head to fall to the side. “What the hell made you think I was a nice boy?”

“That’s true,” Sirius replied, his eyes still fluttering between open and closed. “Chances are I won’t hear from you for a while after this.”

Remus made an odd sound, almost as if he was growling, and pulled away slightly. “I told you I’m not going to fuck you about again.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Sirius said playfully. “Now shut up and kiss me again.”

“No,” Remus said suddenly, causing Sirius’s eyes to finally snap open. “I told you I’d buy you a drink.”

“Oh, come on, I’d much rather be doing this.”

“Snogging in an alleyway? A posh boy like you? Shocking.”

Sirius smirked. “Posh boys are the filthiest, haven’t you heard?”

“I can see,” Remus grinned lopsidedly. “Come on, let’s do this properly.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but was smiling. “God, you’re such a bore.”

“And you’re a tease,” Remus retorted playfully.

“I only tease people who want to be teased.”

“What makes you think I want to be teased?”

“Oh baby, you’re gagging for it.”

Remus stared at him for a split second then snorted with laughter. “You’re absolutely ridiculous, you know that? I don’t know how you take yourself seriously.”

“It’s in my name, taking myself Siriusly is all I do,” Sirius beamed widely, baring all his teeth in delight that Remus finally said the word.

Remus scoffed, and shook his head. “S’pose I walked straight into that one.”

“Yep,” Sirius said smugly. “Had to happen sometime.”

“Come on then, Serious Sirius, let’s get you a drink.”

“Oh alright, if you insist.”

***

“So yeah, I was only on the journalism course for around a month and a half before I switched to English Lit. I’ve never been put off a career choice so quickly,” Remus laughed bitterly to himself, and tapped his fingers on his nearly empty pint glass.

Sirius smiled sympathetically as he spoke. They were tucked away in a cosy corner of an old pub, perched on rickety stools. It was pretty noisy; with the clink of glasses and chattering of fellow patrons filling the air. There was even an antique jukebox stood nearby, softly playing some Kinks song, yet all Sirius was focussed on was Remus.

He sighed and continued his story, still fiddling idly with his glass. His fingertips were red against his cold pint, “I don’t know if I was just naïve or what, but I went into the course thinking that journalists had some sort of duty to help give a voice to people who didn’t have one, and bring to light the stories that the world needs to hear. But then you realise that the majority of journalists completely ignore and disregard any ethical codes, and half the time don’t even bother getting reputable sources,”

Remus looked as though he wasn’t sure if he should continue, but Sirius nodded slightly, encouraging him. It was the most Sirius had heard him say; it had taken a bit of convincing and wheedling for him to expand on any anecdotes he told, so he was hanging on to every word he said.

Remus took a sip of his pint, cleared his throat, and continued, “In one of my very first lectures one of the professors pretty much said that it was always a good day in the newsroom whenever there was a disaster where people died because, in his words, ‘if it bleeds it leads’,” Remus scoffed bitterly and looked away. “Thing is, people are always more anxious to hear the news whenever something awful has happened, but there was something in the way my lecturer was talking about it just made it seem like, I dunno, he revelled in it? Like he was actively rooting for shit things to happen because he’d have a busy day and might have to write a couple of extra features and earn more cash. God, he was a bastard.”

“That’s horrible that he put you off your dream job,” Sirius said. “I’m sure that not all journalists are like that. It’s just unfortunate your lecturer was one of the bad ones.”

Remus shrugged and drained the last of his pint, setting it down on the sticky table with a slight bang. “It’s fine. I could probably still go for a journalism placement with an English Lit degree, but I just worry I could be put in a job with wankers like him.”

“You’ve got to be more optimistic,” Sirius said, flashing his teeth in a smile. “My round, you want another cider?”

“Oh, yeah, yes please!” Remus said gratefully, sliding his glass over towards Sirius.

Sirius extracted himself from the stool and took the glasses over to the bar, setting them gently on the side. The barman sidled over, gruffly regarding him.

“What d’ya want?”

“Pint of the cider you have on tap and a pink gin and lemonade please,” Sirius said, smiling sweetly.

The barman merely grunted in response and grabbed two glasses from above the bar, moving around slowly as he got the drinks. Sirius paid with a tap of his card and walked slowly back to their table, making sure not to spill any of Remus’s very full pint.

“Thank you so much!” Remus said gratefully as he carefully placed the glass in front of him. He dipped his head down and slurped at the top of the drink, his eyes flitting up to Sirius.

Sirius could feel his lips tugging into a smirk. “What on earth are you doing?”

Remus slowly sat up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Knew I’d spill it if I lifted it to my mouth, so I decided to bring my mouth to it.”

Sirius shifted slightly on his stool, biting his lip as he looked at Remus. He had taken his beanie off, causing wafts of hair to stick up in static. There was a slight flush on the top of his cheekbones and on the tip of his nose, and his jumper was once again pulled lopsidedly so that his protruding collarbones were just on show. Despite the dim lighting of the pub, Remus still seemed radiant. He caught Sirius’s eye and grinned lazily, bringing him plummeting back from his thoughts.

“Anyway, enough about me moaning about journalism. Tell me a bit about you,” Remus leant forward, resting his chin on his hands. “I want to hear all about your posh school antics.”

“Boarding school isn’t as posh as it sounds—” Remus snorted incredulously, his eyebrows jutting upwards into his mop of curly hair. “Okay, I know it does sound posh, but we don’t go around wearing boaters or having afternoon tea everyday. You know, it’s no different to any other school; we had lessons, got detentions, were forced to play rounders while it was raining. The main difference was that at the end of the day you you didn’t leave,” Sirius paused, taking a sip of his drink. “That was easily what I liked best about it; the fact that you didn’t have to go home.”

Remus blinked. “Did you not like being at home?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nah. My parents aren’t the nicest of people. Our views couldn’t be more different.”

Remus smiled sympathetically. “Tories?”

“Massive Tories, but it’s more than just political differences. They have opinions that are genuinely damaging and toxic. It’s scary, really, some of the things they think and say,” Sirius ducked his head down towards his fizzing pink drink. He was bent so low he could feel the bubbles popping softly on his face. “Anyway, I don’t want to ruin this by talking about them. They’re out of the picture now, haven’t seen them since I was disowned, and honestly my life couldn’t be better.”

“They _disowned_ you?” Remus sounded aghast.

“Yeah,” Sirius had been through this so many times he was able to be nonchalant about it. He slowly raised his head to look at Remus, who looked horrified. “After I ran away. I was sixteen. It’s no biggie though.”

“No biggie?” Remus repeated incredulously. “Even if your parents are prize A wankers that can’t have been fun.”

Sirius sighed. “No, Remus, it wasn’t fun, but what good is it to dwell on it? I’d rather be penniless than be associated with them in any way.”

Remus instantly looked guilty, but didn’t look away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered contritely. “I really shouldn’t say anything about things that I have no right to comment on.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I won’t pretend that it was all sunshine and daisies, but I honestly am a lot happier now,” Sirius smiled as Remus tried to hide the fact he wasn’t convinced. “As cringe as it sounds, it’s made me the person I am today. You can’t erase the past.”

Remus nodded sagely, but he looked somber. “Did you have somewhere to go? Someone to turn to?”

As Sirius looked into Remus’s concerned eyes, he realised that nobody had ever asked him if he had somewhere safe to go after leaving Grimmauld Place. They had all just assumed that everything was sorted as soon as he got out.

“Yeah,” he eventually replied. “My cousin took me in. She’s got a little kid, so I didn’t really want to go back there after first year, wouldn’t have been fair on her. Luckily the lease on mine and James’s flat started just as we left halls, so I moved straight in. Haven’t been back to London in nearly four years. I’ve only seen the inside of Euston station when I was changing trains to come here.”

Remus nodded, as if somewhat satisfied with his answer. “It’s good to know you had someone you could count on. I don’t want to think about you without a home.”

Sirius felt an odd pang in his chest, almost as if his heart was snapping. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Remus grinned ruefully. “It’s one of the reasons why I suggested you come back to mine that night we met. Hated the idea of you sleeping on the streets.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is _that_ your excuse?”

Remus leant back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yep, and you best believe it.”

“That’s good to know,” Sirius brought his glass to his mouth, keeping eye contact as he slowly drank.

“Will you ever go back to London?”

Sirius paused. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t given it much thought, as he thought about his home city almost daily. Although so much of his time there was tainted by his venomous family, there were some good memories too. Regulus was at the centre of every happy thought he had about London, but even thinking about his brother made him feel desolate.

“I’d like to. There’s nowhere else like it, really. It’s the best city I’ve ever been to,” he trailed off, scratching his arm soberly. “I think it’s still a bit soon though. At the moment I sort of associate London with my family, and that’s something I don’t want on my mind.”

Remus chewed his lip contemplatively. “If you do love the place, you should get back and start making some happier memories. Do something to override the bad. You shouldn’t let them keep you from the city if it’s truly where you feel happy.”

Sirius hadn’t thought of that. He had assumed that one day his memories would slowly fuzz and fade, finally allowing him freedom from the last chains and shackles that his family trapped him under. Repressing feelings, emotions and memories was draining Sirius, and sometimes he almost felt sucked dry of any sensation, leaving him a hard, empty shell, seemingly incapable of feeling anything again. Acknowledging that the bad memories were there, and merely doing your best to try to forge some better ones seemed like a much better alternative. Sirius was baffled that he hadn’t thought of it before.

“Yeah,” Sirius said quietly. “That would be a good idea.”

Remus looked pleased with himself, and trailed his finger down the condensation on his glass. “I’ve only ever been to London a couple of times. Just day trips with school, seeing the Houses of Parliament and Trafalgar Square. I’d definitely like to see more though.”

“Tourist London is nothing compared to real London,” Sirius said with a smile. “Every borough is like a different city, and even within that there’s just so much variation. I think it’s impossible to sum up or explain London; it’s somewhere you have to experience yourself. You could live there for a lifetime and still not know it fully.”

“You sound like a tour guide,” Remus grinned lopsidedly. “Such a typical Londoner, thinking their city is the best in the world.”

“London is the best place in the world,” Sirius replied in a mock-serious voice. “It's a well-known fact.”

Remus just laughed and shook his head. “I’m Welsh. You’re not going to catch me saying anything nice about London.”

“I thought you said your dad was from Yorkshire? Surely an Englishman will have some respect for the capital.”

“Northerners hate London too!” Remus flashed him a cheeky grin. “They think you’re all southern fairies.”

“Charming!” Sirius tried to look annoyed, but burst into laughter. “Nah, don’t worry, I do know what Northerners think of Southerners. We are in Manchester, if you remember.”

Remus chuckled. “That’s true,” he quickly glanced down at his wrist, where his watch was just peeking out from under his sleeve. “That’s very true.”

Sirius suddenly got a nasty feeling. “Is there somewhere you need to be?”

Remus’s head snapped up. “No! No, I don’t need to be anywhere…”

“It feels as though there’s a ‘but' coming,” Sirius smiled quickly, not meeting his eye.

“I’ve got an essay due at ten,” Remus blurted out. “It’s only a couple of thousand words, but I haven’t technically started it yet.”

“Remus!” Sirius looked at him, mouth agape. “Why are you still here? You need to get home and get it done!”

Remus flashed him a lazy grin. “It won’t take me long, I always get assignments in on time. Six hours is more time than I need.”

Sirius was in disbelief. “I don’t know how you can live life like that. I have to submit assignments at least twelve hours before or it stresses me out.”

Remus stretched his arms above his head, causing his woollen jumper to ride up and show a hint of navel. “I planned it out ages ago and I’ve got all my references sorted. I just have to type it up. It’s no stress.”

“Maybe I’m just not as laid back as you are,” Sirius said unconvincingly. “But I do think you should probably head home and get started on it.”

Remus smirked at him. “You trying to get rid of me?”

“No, of course not! Just don’t want to lead you down the path to ruin,” Sirius elegantly sipped at his gin. “You’ve already missed a lecture on my account, don’t want you to lose marks on an essay too.”

“Maybe I’m just finally having my rebellious faze,” Remus winked at him as he lifted his glass.

Sirius hummed. “I still think you should go back and do your essay. We can resume this some other time.”

Remus downed the last of his pint, and waved the empty glass wryly. “Well, I’ve finished my drink now.”

Sirius tipped the last dregs of his drink into his mouth and placed the glass gently on the table. “Alright then. Let’s get out of here.”

Sirius insisted on walking Remus all the way to his house, telling him that he was just ensuring that he was in the right place to finish his essay. They stood for a moment by the front door, staring at each other.

“Good luck with your essay,” Sirius said helplessly.

Remus grinned. “Thanks Sirius. It’s good to know you feel so passionately about my academia.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as he fought back a smile. “Just get it done, and then give me a ring. It would be nice to do something again— but when you don’t have a deadline looming.”

“I would’ve been more organised tonight if I hadn’t bumped into you,” Remus smiled, almost shyly. “You sort of threw my plans up in the air.”

“Oh, so you’re blaming me now? _Unbelievable_.”

Remus merely smirked, and Sirius just revelled in him. There was something so painstakingly human about him; with his untidy smattering of freckles, not entirely straight teeth and the scar cutting through his eyebrow. Any other person would call them imperfections, but Sirius thought that would be an insult to what he saw as vibrant displays of genuineness. It was almost embarrassing how attracted Sirius was to him.

“What are you looking at?” Remus asked, innocently raising his eyebrows. His ears moved up with his eyebrows, and it slammed into Sirius how breathtakingly sweet he could look.

“Nothing,” he ducked his head, hoping his cheeks weren’t colouring.

“Right, well, I better get to my essay,” Remus placed a foot on the step by his front door and hesitated. “I’ll call you?”

“You bloody better,” Sirius shrewdly grinned. “Or else.”

“On my honour,” Remus tapped his chest solemnly.

Sirius nodded, and took a step towards the street. “I’ll be waiting by the phone.”

Remus took ahold of the lapels of his jacket and tugged him forwards, gently kissing him. It was unlike either of their previous kisses; soft, sweet and tender. Remus pulled away quickly, looking as though butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

“I’ll see you later. I promise.”

And with that, he quickly shot inside his house, shutting the door with a swift bang. Sirius felt as though his hot lips were still on his, and trailed his fingers over his mouth, momentarily frozen. He really had no idea what he was doing with Remus. No idea at all.

***

Surprisingly, Remus stayed true to his word and rang Sirius shortly after his essay was due. Sirius tried to ignore the squirming feeling in his stomach as he picked up, pressing his phone nervously to his ear as if expecting a prank call. They ended up speaking until Sirius fell asleep, at which point Remus hung up the phone, and then sent a sweet text about how pleased he was that they were moving forward. When Sirius woke up the next morning he swooned so much over it that he dropped his phone on his face. He had a slight bruise on his cheekbone for a week afterwards.

They met up quite a bit in the next couple of weeks; going on casual, almost friendly dates. They went for drinks a few times, grabbed a coffee in-between lectures once or twice, even watched some mediocre arthouse film at an independent cinema, but Sirius worried they weren’t doing enough.

Dread started to slowly course through him, followed quickly by the cold fingers of doubt. He wouldn’t call himself a worrier, yet he found himself fretting late at night that he wasn’t interesting enough, attractive enough, intelligent enough for Remus. It was hard to feel as though you were good enough when faced with someone who seemed to tick boxes you didn’t know existed.

It was almost as if something was missing, and Sirius wondered for the umpteenth time if Remus felt the same way about him. The idea of Remus thinking about him was weird — it was always uncomfortable to think of yourself existing in someone else’s head, it almost felt invasive, and Sirius tried his best to distract himself.

Being with Remus was unlike anything he’d experienced before. They could talk for hours upon hours; sometimes deep, intellectual debates, and other times silly, back-and-forth bantering about stupid things. Sirius found himself craving his company; he really didn’t mind what they did, just as long as they were together he was happy. It was extraordinary the way he felt around him; feverish excitement when he saw him, complete despondence when they had to part.

Yet something was niggling him. Sometimes it was almost as if Remus would suddenly decide to hold him at arms length and put his guard up, refusing to let Sirius get close. The difference was subtle. It would be a minor change to his demeanour; not quite meeting his eyes, speaking in shorter sentences, fidgeting with his fingers. Sirius noticed it though. He always noticed.

Whenever he felt as though he had built up enough resolve to ask Remus what was going on, he would switch the charm back on, smiling at Sirius dazzlingly, cordially asking him about his day. It nearly drove Sirius crazy. In fact, it almost seemed hypocritical after his candid and heartfelt promise not to fuck him about.

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Sirius told James exasperatedly one afternoon. They’d just done a big shop at Sainsbury’s and were in the process of Tetrising the groceries into their cupboards. “It’s not as bad as before, at least he’s staying in contact with me now, but I just don’t know what’s going on in his head.”

James jammed some spinach into the salad drawer and closed the fridge door with a snap. “I don’t know why you’re moaning at me about this. Surely he’s the one you should be asking.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. James’s relationship with Lily was blooming beautifully, and as a result James seemed to be under the impression that he was now wise in the matters of love. Despite being involved in an insane amount of extracurricular activities (deputy editor for the uni newspaper, treasurer for the Student Union feminist society, assistant producer on the uni radio) Lily still managed to find time in her busy schedule for James. Being such an accomplished and active member of the student body should make her smug, irritating and arrogant, but Lily was quite possibly one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Sirius half wanted to hate her, feeling as though he should be jealous of the amount of time she was claiming from James, but in reality it just left him with more time to spend with Remus. In a strange way, it all seemed to be working out. Except, it wasn’t really.

“I don’t want to freak him out,” Sirius began neatly folding the tote bags. “I can tell he’s really making an effort, and it’s not like he’s actively being weird. It’s just, I dunno, subtext.”

“Subtext!” James snorted. “How did we both end up going out with English Lit students?”

“I’m not going out with Remus!” Sirius could feel his cheeks colouring. “We haven’t had that discussion yet.”

“Dating, going out, it’s all just semantics. You’re in the stage inbetween friendship and relationship, right?” Sirius hesitated, then nodded. James grinned and continued breezily. “Don’t get too hung up on labels, Padfoot, just be chill about it.”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. “Jesus, Prongs, can you hear yourself? You sound like some embarrassing side character in an American sit-com.”

James waggled his eyebrows, making his glasses wobble on his nose. “You hate me because I speak the truth.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Whatever mate,” James winked exaggeratedly, and Sirius broke into a smile. “What’s for dinner then?”

“Ah,” James leant back against the counter, drumming his fingers on the cupboard beneath. “Lily’s coming over. I was gonna make mum’s sambar.”

“Ooh, what I’d do for some of Effie’s sambar,” Sirius licked his lips. “Fair play though, want me to give you some room?”

James immediately flicked his head up and caught Sirius’s eyes, apprehensive. “Are you sure? I’m not asking you to completely leave, it is your apartment too! It just would be nice if we could have the TV after, watch some Netflix or something, just the two of us.”

Sirius gave James a pointed look. “Don’t be stupid, I’ll keep out of your way. Could even see if I can go round to Remus’s.”

James raised his eyebrows and smirked. “Now, that’s not a bad idea.”

“They call me Sirius-not-a-cockblock-Black,” Sirius winked.

James scoffed. “Do they fuck! I remember once in first year when you burst into my room while I was just about to—”

Sirius grinned. “Just save me a bit of saag aloo and we’ll say no more.”

James threw a tea-towel at him. Sirius laughed and left the room, pulling out his phone and calling Remus. He picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hello?” he was breathless, panting heavily.

“Hey Remus, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good, just out on a bike ride actually. Is everything okay?”

“Bike ride?” Sirius blinked. He didn’t even know Remus owned a bike. “Sorry, I can call back later—”

“No, no,” Sirius could hear rustling, as if Remus was sitting down somewhere. “I needed a break anyway. What’s up?”

“Not much,” Sirius lounged on his bed, leaning on his elbow. “I was going to see if you fancied doing something tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m up for that. Shall I come around to yours?”

“Ah,” Sirius swallowed. “Lily’s coming round, James is going to cook for her. I was wondering if—”

“My place it is!” he said easily. Sirius could almost feel the smile in his voice. “I’m going to turn back now anyway, I’ll be home in like half an hour if you want to come round then?”

Sirius grinned into his phone. He knew he could rely on him. “Sounds great! I’ll see you then.”

“In a bit,” Remus said, quickly disconnecting the call.

***

Sirius could hardly wait to see Remus, and ended up promptly outside his house exactly thirty minutes after their phone call. There was no sight of Remus yet, so he sat on their low garden wall, rolling a cigarette and swinging his legs. James kept getting on at him to quit, and he _was_ going to, but just after uni. Too many of his friends smoked, and whenever he got a drink in him it was impossible not to give into the cravings. He lit up and smoked idly, watching people as they went about their daily business.

“Oi! Get off my wall!”

Sirius exhaled lazily, not bothering to turn his head. “Sorry mate. I’m just a hooligan, loitering on the streets.”

Remus laughed, and Sirius finally turned to face him. He was smiling wryly, holding a very battered and muddy bike. “Looks like I’ve got a thing for bad boys.”

Sirius jumped down from the wall and flicked his cigarette into the gutter. “How was your bike ride?”

Remus wheeled his bike towards his front door and fumbled for his keys. “Not bad. I haven’t been for a while so didn’t get very far.”

He unlocked the door and carried his bike through the house. Sirius stepped in behind him and shut the door, following Remus through to the overgrown garden.

“I didn’t even know you knew how to ride a bike,” Sirius admitted, leaning against the doorframe as Remus fiddled with his bike lock. “Is that why you’re so muscular?”

Remus snorted. “Muscular! Not heard that one before. It’s not like I’ve got a six pack.”

“You’re toned, you can’t deny that,” Sirius smirked as Remus loped towards him. “It’s actually very sexy.”

“I’m supposed to try and keep active,” Remus explained, stepping in the kitchen and closing the door behind him. “I had labyrinthitis a few years back, really wasn’t pretty.”

Sirius frowned. The word wasn’t familiar to him. “What’s that?”

“Ear infection that completely ruins your balance. Had me fucked for nearly three months,” Remus grinned ruefully, and grazed his finger over the scar in his eyebrow. “It’s how I got this, actually. Was walking home from school and got dizzy. Fell into some broken glass.”

“What?!” Sirius was horrified. “Fuck me, were you okay?”

“Oh yeah. Well, I ended up in hospital, they stitched me up and then told me I had labyrinthitis,” Remus laughed. “It sounds pretty dramatic but it wasn’t too bad. Just couldn’t stand without throwing up or collapsing.”

“That sounds awful,” Sirius suddenly felt incredibly lucky that he’d never really experienced any major illness, “Are you okay now?”

“Oh yeah. Sometimes I get a bit wobbly, like I can't stay on balance, but mostly I'm fine. I just take a bit of an extra effort to keep myself fit now,” he cracked a grin, “Means I can eat a shit-load of chocolate without feeling guilty too.”

“It’s all about balance, isn’t it?”

“Well yeah, quite literally,” Remus laughed and tilted his head to the side. “Shall we go up?”

“Thought you’d never ask!”

Sirius led the way — he knew where he was going now, and found himself quite comfortable in Remus’s house. He’d even met a couple of his housemates, but they were quiet and mostly kept to themselves. A little like Remus, come to think of it.

“Hey, would you mind if I had a quick shower?” Remus asked as Sirius pushed his bedroom door open. “I’m beyond sweaty after my ride.”

“Of course not!” said Sirius. “Am I okay to read one of your books?”

“Absolutely not!” Remus pretended to look furious for a moment, then his face relaxed. “Nah, just kidding, you knock yourself out,” Sirius beamed and took a step inside his room, and then Remus’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. I think my room’s in a bit of a tip. I haven’t really had the time to clean it, please don’t judge me.”

“Why would I judge you?” Sirius shook his head ruefully. “It’s your room, you can have it in whatever state you please.”

“Alright, well, just know that I’m not a slob.”

“I'll bear that in mind.”

Sirius grinned as Remus backed into the bathroom, winking as he shut the door.

Remus’s room _was_ a mess. There were half drunk mugs of tea precariously balanced on top of his many piles of books, and his drawers were left open, jumpers and socks hanging haphazardly out. His bed was unmade and his backpack lay empty on the floor near his desk, the contents littered on the floor next to it, as if he had turned it upside down in the hunt for something particular.

Sirius hesitated for a moment. It would definitely be weird if he tidied up, but taking the dirty mugs downstairs and whacking them in the dishwasher wouldn’t be a completely bizarre thing to do, would it? It would just be a helpful gesture, right? Oh, fuck it. He’d clear the mugs and make the bed so he could sit on it, but that’s where he’d leave it. With new resolve Sirius pottered about, dumping the mugs downstairs and neatly making the bed, plumping the pillows and pulling the fitted sheet straight.

“What _are_ you doing?”

Sirius spun around. Remus was stood there, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, curls damp and stretched out. Droplets of water clung to his collarbone and shoulders, glistening in the twinkling dusk light. He had a quizzical look on his face, his dimple creasing in his cheek.

“Fuck!” Sirius’s cheeks suddenly felt very hot. “I just thought I’d clear the mugs and make the bed. I’m really sorry if that’s out of order. I wasn’t going to touch any of your stuff, just—”

His words died in his mouth as Remus moved closer, smirking slightly. “ _So_ sorry if I’m too messy for you.”

“You’re not!” Sirius felt weirdly frantic being so close to Remus while he was essentially naked. “I was just killing time.”

“No, you weren’t,” Remus reached out a hand and brushed some hair from Sirius’s face. “You just couldn’t keep yourself away from my bed.”

“Er—” Sirius’s brain felt as though it was short-circuiting.

Remus placed a hand on his chest and gently pushed him backwards onto his now neatly made bed. “Not sure why you were so eager to make it though.”

Sirius looked up at him towering above him, suddenly feeling prurient. “Something about a clean slate?” he suggested.

Remus hummed, a lewd smile playing on his face. “Interesting.”

He gently lowered himself to Sirius’s level, his cool hands reaching under his t-shirt, rolling it up and kissing his chest, his lips red hot against his skin. Sirius felt as though he was on fire. Unable to speak anymore, he emitted a low groan, rolling his head back on the duvet. All he could feel was Remus’s weight on his lower half, hot and inviting.

“Look at you, my pretty little posh boy,” Remus sounded smug. “You fall to pieces so quickly.”

“Only with you,” Sirius murmured, looking at him. “There’s just something about you.”

Something flashed across Remus’s eyes and he crawled on top of him, hand slipping underneath his neck and pulling him roughly towards him for a fervent kiss. When Remus put his lips on Sirius’s it was like he was learning how to kiss again — using his mouth and tongue feverishly as he pulled Remus ever closer. It was everything a kiss should be, and more, and Sirius let himself be encapsulated by it, his mind emptied of everything but Remus.

Sirius could feel his body reacting to Remus, and rolled his hips up, eager for some friction. Remus responded with similar force, grinding down on him, making Sirius groan softly against his lips. He grasped at the towel covering Remus, playing with where it was tucked in, wanting nothing more than to whip it from him. Remus seemed to sense what he wanted and pulled away from his lips, balancing himself on Sirius’s shoulders.

“I think it’s only fair you lose some clothes before I get rid of the towel,” Remus practically purred in his ear. Sirius felt as though he could see stars.

He nodded stupidly as Remus’s hands trailed down to his belt buckle, nimbly flipping it open and fiddling with the button at the top. He looked up wickedly as he pulled the zip down, slowly pulling the flies open.

“Just bloody take them off,” Sirius growled, his voice strangely hoarse.

Remus obliged, pulling his jeans over the lump in his boxers. Sirius lifted himself off the bed slightly to help, kicking away the uncomfortable fabric and quickly peeling his socks off. Remus now straddled him, and although his towel was still hanging on for dear life, he could see the hard outline of his cock pressed against the striped fabric.

Emboldened, Sirius reached out and grabbed him, pulling him down onto the bed. His hands roamed where he wanted as he kissed Remus, barely registering anything that was happening. Remus continued to grind down on him, causing his cock to strain uncomfortably against the thin fabric of his boxers. At some point his t-shirt came off and he lay there, panting, turned on way beyond belief, staring at Remus.

“There’s not much more I can take off,” Sirius whispered, feeling as though he shouldn’t raise his voice.

It was the furthest they’d been. Usually as soon as it got to the point where clothes needed to be removed, Remus would pull away, coming up with one excuse or another as to why they should stop.

Remus was flushed, his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath. “We can leave it here if you want to.”

“Well,” Sirius paused, unsure if this was a test. “I’d like to continue.”

Remus grinned. “That’s good to hear. So would I.”

Sirius opened his mouth to say something else but Remus began kissing down his navel, quickly destroying any chance Sirius had to speak. He reached out and stroked his cock through his boxers, causing Sirius to make a sound as if he’d been punched.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Remus’s hair was rapidly drying, wafting up in gentle curls around his face. Sirius couldn’t understand how someone could look so endearing yet so incredibly sexy at the same time.

“As long as that towel comes off at some point, I’ll be fine.”

“Today’s your lucky day,” Remus extracted himself from Sirius and dropped the towel to the floor with a flourish. Before Sirius even had a chance to acknowledge Remus in all his glory he was upon him, trailing his fingers along the waistband of his boxers. “Are you sure—”

Sirius could hardly get his words out. “Yes. Positive.”

Remus licked his lips and pulled his boxers down. “Excellent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slang dictionary:  
> Sod it - fuck it
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! They really help motivate me <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before, a lecture and a gig. Standard university life!

Sirius gradually woke up, his mind slowly breaking free of his foggy dreams and allowing him to regain consciousness. Not wanting to open his eyes just yet, he sleepily fumbled his arm across the bed, reaching blearily for Remus. His eyes snapped open in shock when he realised that the bed was cold and empty. Soft sunlight streamed through the almost threadbare curtains, illuminating the untidy room with a delicate, golden glow. He craned his neck and looked towards Remus’s desk, where he usually left his phone, wallet and keys. The desk was empty. Sirius turned to the door, where his battered denim jacket usually hung. That had vanished too. Remus had clearly gone.

Sirius threw his head back onto the pillow, anger and betrayal bubbling inside him. He couldn’t believe it. He’d fallen for it again and had been left reeling in his abandonment. This would be the last time Remus Lupin was going to cast him aside, Sirius was sure of that. He was not going to let his heart be broken before he even had a chance to let it love.

He threw the duvet back and got up, marching angrily around the room as he collected his clothes that were carelessly cast aside the night before.

Oh _God_ , the night before.

Sirius could safely say he never had sex like that before. The intoxicating feeling of having Remus naked against his body, limbs entangled and hands roaming, was electrifying. Sirius could only thank his lucky stars that he managed to last long enough to enjoy it. He had never felt so deeply connected to someone while simultaneously shagging like there was no tomorrow. It wasn’t just moving against someone until you finally got off — for the first time, Sirius felt as though he was actually experiencing something in synchronicity with someone; entwined mentally and physically.

After, Remus laid his head on Sirius’s chest and he just held him, arms wrapped tight, feeling as though something inside was slowly swelling and enveloping him. He tried to breathe slowly and quietly as to not disturb Remus, but he merely raised his beautifully tousled head and looked into his eyes and endearingly told him to ‘ _stop being a bloody idiot and breathe normally_ ’. He honestly felt as though nothing else would ever need to bring him joy again; as if he would die happy if he was just able to look at Remus’s perfectly imperfect face, with his slightly crooked teeth, rounded nose and freckles like someone had flicked the bristles of a paint filled brush and let it splatter over his skin.

Sirius hadn’t experienced much perfection in his life, but in that moment it felt as though he had finally succeeded. It was the first time he had ever truly felt complete.

And yet there he was, the bleak Morning After, twisting his sock around his foot after having shoved it on upside down, completely alone and feeling as though his heart was slowly being squeezed by something with cold fingers.

“Going somewhere?”

Sirius nearly toppled off the bed. Remus was stood in the doorway, holding a tray and looking utterly bemused.

“You..” Sirius, for once in his life, spluttered for words. “You’re still here?”

“Well, yes,” Remus set the tray down on his desk and wryly regarded him. “I do live here, you know.”

Shame suddenly slammed into Sirius and he ducked his head, feeling hideously embarrassed for thinking so low of him.

“I just popped out for some eggs, my housemate used up the last of mine in her protein shake,” Remus shuddered briefly and held out a steaming mug. “I had to guess what to make you ‘cos I don’t know what sort of hot drinks you like. I ended up going for a coffee, black.”

“That means a lot, Lupin,” Sirius said soberly, taking the mug.

Remus’s eyebrows jolted upwards. “Oh, I meant it was a black coffee, not—”

“No, I know,” Sirius grinned. “I was making a joke.”

“Ah,” Remus nodded. “Hilarious.”

“Excellent choice of beverage though. I rarely have hot drinks, but if I do, it’s a black coffee.”

“I’ll remember to add ‘highly skilled in divination’ to my CV,” Remus indicated the bed. “Fancy taking breakfast between the sheets?”

“Sounds perfect.”

They peeled off their clothes and clambered back into bed, the tray neatly placed between them. Sirius knew he’d never get used to seeing Remus in his boxers, his smooth skin rippling over his lean muscles…

“I didn’t have any of that fancy sourdough bread that you poshos have, but I did have a leftover avocado, so it could be worse,” Remus casually waved a hand over the food. “You’d probably still end up paying a tenner for something like this down in London.”

Sirius chuckled and reached for a plate. The white sliced bread was slightly toasted and covered in a nice thick layer of mashed avocado and a poached egg. Remus handed him some cutlery and he tucked in, letting the golden yolk of the egg run over the avocado. It was utterly delicious.

“You know, nobody’s ever cooked me breakfast after a shag,” he said coyly, turning to Remus and swallowing the final mouthful. “But I can easily say your culinary skills put you top of the list.”

Remus shrugged modestly. “It was hardly a technically taxing meal. Maybe next time I’ll give pancakes a go, step it up a notch.”

“Only if I get to toss them,” Sirius said, raising his eyebrows and giving Remus a suggestive wink.

Remus let a bubble of laughter escape. “Sometimes I forget how ridiculous you are.”

“An amateur mistake,” he grinned, eying Remus’s bare chest. “Want me to refresh your memory?”

Remus grabbed their plates and dumped them on the floor with a clatter. “I would be honoured.”

***

“—And if you look closely, you can see Ernst’s revolutionary technique of using pencil rubbings as the base of his art. This method is, of course, known as frottage, and can further be exampled in this slide…”

Sirius’s head snapped up, finally paying attention to the droning of his lecturer. He stayed up late the night before finishing an essay, and was using his Surrealism, Gender and Sexuality lecture as a backdrop for a much needed nap.

“Did he just say—” he murmured to his neighbour.

Marlene McKinnon gave a heavy sigh. “Yes, frottage. Come on Sirius, I know you’re a raging homosexual, but surely you know where the word comes from. You’ve studied art for long enough.”

He smirked and shifted slightly in his seat so he was able to whisper in her ear more surreptitiously. “Forgive me, but the only frottage I’ve engaged in is—”

Marlene began coughing loudly, causing several surrounding students to look at her irritably. She was his closest friend on the course, now that Peter was long gone. Marlene was incredibly blunt, sometimes almost to the point of rudeness, but was equally as reliable and had been a shoulder for Sirius to cry on more times he could count.

She flicked her hair back (a dazzling shade of purple this week) and gave him a challenging look, daring him to say anything more. Sirius leant back in his seat, satisfied, and twirled his pen around his fingers.

After the lecture they went for a drink in the student bar, a tradition they were always eager to upkeep.

“You’re still coming to Dorcas’s gig tonight, aren’t you?” she asked, flicking the lid off the bottle of pinot grigio and pouring two generous glasses.

“Yeah, yeah, wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he reached for his glass and took a swig. The wine tasted slightly vinegary, but that’s what you got when you opted for the cheapest bottle on the menu. “James is coming, going to bring his new girlfriend too. I reckon you’d like her.”

Marlene’s mouth curved into a smirk, as if suddenly reminded of something. “Will you be bringing a plus one, dear friend?”

Sirius hadn’t told Marlene about Remus yet, but there was something in her smug smile that told him she knew something. “I’m not sure,” playing it dumb was the safest bet, he reckoned. “Depends if I can rustle anyone up.”

Marlene hummed thoughtfully, and leant forward on her elbows. “You see, Dorcas was out with Alice the other day, and apparently she said that Frank had told her that—”

“This is a bit primary school, is it not?” Sirius asked pedantically, hoping to distract her from what she was most likely leading to.

Marlene rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. Apparently you’ve got a boyfriend, and I’d like it on the record that I am incredibly offended that I wasn’t first to know.”

“Oh, fuck off,” he said without bite, shaking his head. “I don’t have a boyfriend, we’re just dating.”

“Just dating?” Marlene still looked like the cat who got the cream. “Well, I expect to see him tonight. No excuses.”

“I’ll have to see if he’s free first,” Sirius tried to sound casual, as if he hadn’t already unintentionally memorised Remus’s social calendar.

“Go on, show me a pic of him,” she demanded. “What’s his Insta?”

“Ah,” Sirius took a slow swig of his drink. “He doesn’t have Instagram.”

“He doesn’t _what_?” Marlene looked horrified.

“Yes, shocking to hear that not everyone is a semi-famous influencer on some stupid photo sharing site, isn’t it?”

“I’m not an influencer, having eleven thousand followers doesn’t make you an influencer,” Marlene retorted, like clockwork.

“I think people only follow you for Dorcas content, to be honest,” Sirius smirked, pleased that he was able to deflect the conversation away from him and Remus.

Sometimes it almost felt as though talking about his relationship (or lack thereof) would ruin what he was having with Remus, which is why preferred to keep it private. Although part of him wanted to shout about it from the rooftops, the other part wanted to protect it as much as possible. It was almost as if talking about Remus would cause their relationship to blink out of existence, fade away slowly in the light of day. Until he was certain of what was going on between them, the intimate details would be kept quiet. Luckily, there wasn’t a topic that could distract Marlene as well as Dorcas, so they polished off the remainder of the bottle of wine while talking about the upcoming gig.

Sirius had a cigarette under the outdoor heaters when they finally left the bar, and Marlene hung about, looking slightly impatient.

“You coming to mine? I need someone to help me pick an outfit, Dor’s at last minute rehearsals,” Marlene zipped up her jacket and plunged her hands into the pockets, looking at Sirius with her large, blue, pleading eyes.

“Nah, think I’m going to head home. Want to have dinner and change before I come out again,” he busied himself with rolling another cigarette, a subconscious habit that sprang from his inability to keep his hands still. “You can text me any outfit options if you’re really stuck.”

“Fuck me, you’re love-sick, aren’t you?” Marlene looked positively delighted.

Sirius rolled his eyes and stuck the cigarette behind his ear. “Oh, piss off.”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment! All the shit I got from you when I got with Dorcas, it’s finally time for me to get my payback.”

He couldn’t be bothered to put her in her place, and merely raised a hand as he walked away from her. “See you at the gig McKinnon.”

“I can’t wait to meet him!” she called, before turning and heading home in the opposite direction.

***

“Oh go on, come, it’ll be good!” Sirius was laid on his bed, kicking his legs as he spoke on the phone. “Dorcas’s band is actually pretty decent.”

Remus’s voice was a little crackly. “I don’t know Sirius, I’ve got this essay to do and there’s this seminar about literary referencing at the library tomorrow morning—”

“When has that ever stopped you?”

There was silence at the other end of the line, and Sirius briefly wondered if Remus had hung up. Then there was a low sigh, and he knew he had won.

“Alright, fine. What time is it?”

“Doors open at nine but Dorcas isn’t on till ten,” Sirius rolled onto his back. “We were going to go to the Shunpike first for a pint though.”

“When?”

“Dunno,” Sirius glanced at his clock. “Eight?”

Remus sighed again. “Okay, I’ll see you then. Bye.”

“See you later!”

The call ended. Sirius looked at his phone, smiling slightly. Remus wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t very good on the phone. Occasionally Remus seemed to find something within him and would be chatty and flirty over the phone, but most of the time he was blunt, quickly making plans and then hanging up before they even began having a proper conversation.

“Was that the boyfriend?”

Sirius threw his pillow at his door before even turning to look at his flatmate. “Fuck off Potter.”

James slunk into the room, looking smug. “Is he coming tonight?”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Sirius glared as James plopped himself onto the bed. “But yes. I told him we’d be at the Shunpike at eight.”

“Eight!” James had a look of mock horror on his face. “But Sirius, that only gives you a mere two hours to get ready! However will you manage?”

“I’ll probably have to hire a valet to help me get dressed,” Sirius said laconically, crossing his arms. “Think you’ll be up for the job?”

“Think a bit of Remus is rubbing off on you,” James grinned. “You’ve defo got a whole lot more sarky since you’ve met him.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Or maybe you’ve just become an even bigger prick than you were before. I hope Lily’s pleased.”

James laughed. He had the most infectious laugh Sirius had ever heard — it was loud and seemed to go on forever, but whenever James laughed all anyone ever wanted to do was join in. Sirius didn’t think what he said was that hilarious, but the way James was guffawing it was as though he’d just heard the funniest joke of the century. Sirius couldn’t help but smile slightly as James wiped a non-existent tear from his eye and attempted to subdue his chuckles.

Eventually he sighed and turned to Sirius, pulling his glasses straight on his nose. “Alright then. Do you want me to do dinner?”

Sirius put a simpering look on his face and took one of James’s hands. “Oh my darling, that really would be exquisite. What will be on the menu this eve?”

James thought for a moment. “Pesto pasta and garlic bread sound alright?”

“I might pass on the garlic bread, but pasta sounds good.”

“Does someone want to avoid garlicy breath?” James had that smug look on his face again.

“Stop being such a dickhead and put the water on,” Sirius pushed him slightly. “Please?”

“Anything for my wonderful yet incredibly rude friend,” James rolled off the bed. “You better start deciding what you’re wearing, otherwise we’ll miss the gig completely.”

“Fuck off, I love you!” Sirius called as James vanished from his room.

A shower, five outfit changes and a bowl of pasta later, Sirius was ready to leave.

“Band tee and Doc Martens?” James looked sceptical as they pulled on their coats. “Very original for a gig.”

“Fuck, should I change?” Sirius paused, one arm in his leather jacket.

James broke out into a smile. “Nah, just pulling your leg. Remus will be swooning once he sees you.”

“Yeah, he better be,” Sirius looked at his phone. “Come on, chop chop, we need to leave now otherwise we’ll be late!”

***

The Shunpike was as standard a pub you could get; dim lighting, crammed full of patrons, 70s hits playing in the background. Sirius elbowed his way towards a recently vacated table and plonked himself down on the back seat so he was able to watch the rest of the pub.

“Pint?” James asked, not bothering to sit down.

“Yeah, thanks mate. I’ll get the next round,” Sirius leant back and crossed his arms as James ambled towards the bar.

There was something strangely comforting to Sirius about being alone in a crowd. Watching people chatting and laughing, spilling their drinks and bickering over where to go next — it was almost as if he could lose himself; be transported somewhere he didn’t have to think or worry.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It was Lily. Pink cheeked and wild-haired, as though she’d ran half the way to the pub. She was the sort of person who seemed to permanently be in a rush, with so much to do and so many places to get to. Sirius pulled a chair out for her and she sank into it, giving him a sunny smile.

“Just people watching,” he told her, his head feeling a little clearer. “Prefer it over looking at my phone, so—”

“You don’t have to justify yourself, Sirius,” Lily’s eyeliner was electric blue, making her eyes shine like emeralds. “There’s nothing wrong with admitting you like staring at people.”

Sirius smirked. “There's only some people I enjoy staring at. The rest are just to pass the time.”

“People like Remus, perhaps?” Lily smiled sweetly, and Sirius wondered why everyone seemed obsessed with bringing him up.

“Does James know you’re here?” he asked, changing the subject. “He’s just getting the drinks.”

“Yeah, I saw him on my way in,” Lily swung her dark red hair over her shoulder and wriggled out of her coat. “You been up to anything interesting recently?”

“Err—” Lily was one of the busiest and most productive people on the planet. Compared to her, nothing he had ever done could be classified as interesting. He racked his brains. “Fell asleep in a lecture today? One of my essays came back last week and I got a First?”

“Oh wow, congrats!” Lily genuinely looked pleased for him. “What was the essay on?”

“Drinks!” James announced, seemingly materialising out of nowhere and pushing a tray loaded with drinks on the table. “I got sambuca shots, just to speed things up a bit.”

Sirius sagged in relief. He liked Lily, he really did, but still wasn’t sure how to speak to her. He knew that neither of them wanted to discuss his essay, yet it seemed to be the only thing they could think to talk about.

“Think I’ll pass for now,” Lily said. “If I start with shots I’ll be on the floor come ten.”

“That’s fine,” James replied, picking up his shot glass. “I’ll get some more later.”

“Alright then,” Sirius reached for a glass and held it towards James’s. “À la vôtre!”

“À la tienne!” James replied, clinking their glasses together and throwing the shot back.

Lily looked mildly impressed. “You both speak French?”

“Just Sirius. He just taught me how to toast and how to swear,” James laughed.

“It’s all you need in France,” Sirius shrugged and reached for his pint.

“That, and a nicotine addition,” said a dry voice. “But you’ve got that on lock already, haven’t you?”

“Remus!” Lily jumped from her seat and threw her arms around his neck. “Been a while!”

Sirius wondered if he would ever be able to see Remus and not feel as though someone had just thrown a bowling ball into his stomach. He was wearing what must have been the ugliest shirt on the planet, paired with the same corduroy trousers he had on the night they met. An outfit like that should make you look like an OAP, yet Remus once again managed to look effortlessly stylish. He caught Sirius’s eye and gave him one of those lazy yet dazzling smiles, and slid into a seat next to him.

“Hey Remus,” James pushed the tray towards him. “Sambuca shot?”

Sirius noticed the corner of Remus’s mouth twitch, “Will I have to recite something in French?”

James laughed but Sirius leaned a little closer, his lips almost brushing his ear. “You can do something else French if you really fancy.”

Remus snorted but his cheeks blushed slightly. Sirius smirked to himself as Remus easily threw the shot back.

“Oh look, here come the others,” James said, waving as Frank, Alice and Marlene ambled towards them. “Alright, you three?”

“Lily! I didn’t know you were coming!” Alice threw an arm around Lily, looking delighted.

“I didn’t know you were coming either!” Lily gushed. “I don’t know why I didn’t connect the dots though. The boys said Frank was bringing his girlfriend, and I knew you’re dating a Frank—”

“Hang on, do you two know each other?” James looked baffled and slightly disappointed, as if he was looking forward to introducing Lily to some of his friends.

“Yeah, from fem soc,” Alice replied, sitting down.

“Bloody hell, does everyone at this uni know each other?” Frank said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I should probably join the feminist society,” Marlene mused. “Feel like I’m letting the side down.”

“Well, I don’t think you should join because you feel obliged,” Lily said diplomatically. “It’s a safe space for anyone who believes in equality of the sexes. Of course, there is a fair bit of grassroots activism, but—”

“What did you say your name was?” Marlene interrupted, not meaning to sound rude.

“Lily. I’m James’s girlfriend.”

“Oh! You’re Lily!” Marlene jolted, as if remembering something, and turned towards where Sirius and Remus were sat. “That must make _you_ Remus.”

“Excellent powers of deduction,” Remus said drily, smiling nonetheless. “You must be Marlene.”

“That is correct,” Marlene purred, leaning forward. “I’ve heard _so_ much about you—”

“Shots!” Sirius shouted, not keen on the idea of Marlene interrogating Remus so soon. He jumped from his seat and grabbed his wallet. “I fancy some tequila.”

The table murmured in agreement and he headed towards the bar.

A few rounds in and Sirius had loosened up with the alcohol. He leant heavily on Remus’s shoulder, turning every now and then to whisper obscenities into his ear. Remus’s hand would occasionally creep onto his thigh, at first awkwardly patting his knee and then slowly moving up, delicately trailing his fingers across the skin exposed by the rips in his jeans. It drove Sirius crazy.

“We need to get going!” Marlene said after finishing her third pint. “Dor’s on in ten minutes!”

There was clamouring as everyone downed their drinks and knocked back the final few shots, staggering slowly out of the pub.

“Do you think that maybe the tequila was a bad idea?” Lily hiccoughed, leaning against Sirius for support as he rolled a cigarette. “Don’t want Dorcas to think we don’t care about her music.”

“Nah, Dorcas will probably be drunker than we are,” Marlene laughed. “Oi, Black, will you bun me a cig?”

“All it takes is a couple of pints for you to forget about how evil cigarettes are,” Sirius shook his head but passed her the one he’d just rolled. “You’re so predictable.”

“Where’s the gig?” James interrupted.

“The Erised,” Marlene delicately held the cigarette between her bright red lips while Sirius fumbled with the lighter. “Just round the corner.”

“No Pete tonight?” Sirius asked Lily. The booze had helped him feel a lot more relaxed around her, making conversations more natural.

She smiled. “Nah, gigs aren’t really his scene. Think he’s doing something with his chess club.”

“God, I still can’t believe he’s literally part of the chess society,” Sirius shook his head ruefully. “Sometimes I wonder why I’m still friends with him.”

“Well, it’s a good job you are, otherwise you never would have met Remus that night,” Lily gave him a knowing look.

Sirius glanced back at Remus, who was walking behind them with James and Frank, laughing loudly at something. “Yeah,” he swallowed. “I suppose that’s true.”

“Come on you lot!” Marlene called from ahead. She had skipped down the road with Alice, eager to see her girlfriend perform. “Everyone got a fiver for the door?”

Once again there was a great deal of ruckus as everyone fumbled in their pockets and bags, trying to find the correct amount of change and asking for favours. Eventually they all managed to produce five pounds and trooped inside the thudding club. As with most music venues, any interior design or architecture was obscured by strobing lights and masses of people. A band were just leaving the stage and music was blaring from the speakers to keep the crowd occupied as the roadies switched out the instruments.

“Frank and I will get the drinks, you find a good spot,” James yelled at Sirius over the noise.

Sirius gave a thumbs up and herded his friends through the crowd, Marlene using her pointy elbows to get right up to the barrier.

“My girlfriend’s band is on next so you better shove over!” she aggressively told a surprised looking boy, who quickly scuttled away.

Sirius leant on the barrier, with Remus pressed close to his left, Marlene jiggling to his right and Alice and Lily chattering somewhere behind him.

He turned to look at Remus, the sharp and soft parts of his face accentuated by the flashing, colourful lights, and felt an odd sort of jolt in his stomach. It almost felt like clockwork — internal gears that had been slowly building up and winding in the right direction for a while, the cogs finally clicking into place. Remus had a funny sort of grin on his face, one that looked both omniscient and doubtful at the same time. Sirius wondered if his insides were doing the same flip-flopping as his were, but Remus's eyes were like a foreign language he hadn’t yet learned to speak fluently, instead trying to decipher the meaning one syllable at the time.

Sometimes Sirius felt as though he was missing something, not quite paying attention to his surroundings and letting something slip past him. It shivered down his spine as he watched Remus, drowning in the thought that there was something he should know about him. It was that twinging feeling that he didn’t quite know who Remus Lupin was. It was the dark shadow moving in the corner of his eye, urging him to look but vanishing whenever he turned his head. Remus was still a complete mystery to him.

“Drinks!” James shouted for the umpteenth time that night, tottering out of the crowd and pressing plastic beer bottles into everyone’s hands. “Don’t worry about paying me back, this round’s on me.”

There was a loud cheer as three figures walked on stage. Dorcas looked the very image of a rock star, dressed in spandex and feathers, the multicoloured lights illuminating her short afro cut from behind and making her glow. She stepped up confidently to the mic, grabbed a cable and plugged it into her hot-pink guitar.

“How we doing tonight, Manchester?” her voice echoed across the room and everyone cheered. “You having a good night, yeah? We’re the Weird Sisters and we’re here to enchant, and possibly curse you. Let’s find out which one it’ll be!”

With that, the drummer smashed her foot on the bass pedal and their first song started. Dorcas’s nimble fingers began picking out the melody of the song and she learnt towards the mic, her voice dark and velvety.

“ _Well, oh, they might wear classic Reeboks_

_Or knackered Converse_

_Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks_

_But all of that's what the point is not_

_The point's that there ain't no romance around there_ —”

“THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!” Marlene shrieked from beside Sirius, jumping up and down madly.

Somewhere deep inside he felt a strange pang of jealousy, almost wishing that he could be in Marlene’s place, being the one to be able to confidently shout into a room full of people that he was proud of his boyfriend. In fact, he’d give anything to be able to call Remus his boyfriend, but he wasn’t sure if that would ever happen.

The Weird Sisters crashed into the chorus and Sirius jumped about with his friends, the baseline thudding in his chest.

He learnt towards Remus and cupped his hand around his ear. “What do you think?”

Remus gave him that smile of his, effortlessly cocky, and shouted into his ear. “Bassist’s pretty hot.”

Sirius refused to give in and look over at the petite girl Remus was referring to. “I meant the music! Do you like it?”

Remus nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, they’re good!”

“— _Don’t you know, oh, it's a funny thing you know_

_We'll tell 'em if you like_

_We'll tell 'em all tonight_

_They'll never listen_

_Because their minds are made up_

_And course it's all okay to carry on that way_ —”

Remus shifted so he was behind Sirius, pressing him gently into the barrier. Sirius smiled to himself and pulled his long arms around his waist, leaning back into his touch. On stage, Dorcas leant down and brushed her fingers against Marlene’s outstretched hands, her cheeks flushed with joy.

The Weird Sisters launched into the final section of the song and everyone began jumping about madly, Remus’s grip tight on Sirius’s hip, bouncing and singing along.

“So,” Dorcas’s grinned as she scanned the room. “Did that warm you up? Feeling young and enchanted yet? Well…” she cleared her throat and began strumming at her guitar.

_“Are teenage dreams so hard to beat?_

_Every time she walks down the street—_ ”

Sirius really felt alive dancing in the crowd, with Remus crashing into him every now and then, uncoordinated and gangly but positively radiant. Sirius was hot and sweaty, and in desperate need for a cigarette and fresh air, but knew Marlene would never forgive him if he left in the middle of Dorcas’s set.

He and Remus managed to slip away to get more drinks near the end of the set, while Dorcas was singing a girl in red song to Marlene, the lights dimmed low and instruments softly accompanying her. Remus scrunched his nose at the plastic beer bottles that the bartender gave them, and moaned about how bad for the environment single-use plastic was, and for some reason Sirius found this so sickeningly endearing that he had to quite literally curl his hands into fists to stop himself from grabbing his face and snogging it silly. By the time they got back to the others the crowd was cheering for an encore.

After a brief negotiation at the back of the stage the band returned and the drummer began playing a beat that Sirius instantly recognised.

Dorcas strummed a chord and placed her lips on the mic. 

“ _Maybe I don't really wanna know_

_How your garden grows_

_'Cause I just wanna fly_ —”

Remus groaned faintly. “Oh Christ, is that Oasis?” Sirius turned to see him scrunching his nose again.

“Yep, don’t you know it’s a legal requirement for every indie band in Manchester to close their set with an Oasis song?” Sirius grinned.

“What?” Remus said loudly, unable to hear over the pounding music.

“I said, don’t you know it’s a— it’s a—” the words died in Sirius’s throat as he looked at Remus.

He was squinting in the strobing lights from the stage, cheeks rosy and slightly sweaty from the energetic dancing Sirius had forced him into. The scar in his eyebrow glinted silver like a slice of moonlight, stolen from the sky and immortalised on his face. The hideous shirt he was wearing hung off his shoulders, giving him an endearingly gawky sort of look and his hair was falling all over the place, one errant curl hanging over his eyes. His golden irises flicked between Sirius’s ones, clearly confused as to why he had suddenly stopped talking.

Sirius knew that words were no longer needed, that bantering wasn’t really necessary anymore, and instead firmly turned his back to the stage and wrapped his arms around Remus’s long neck. Remus blinked down at him, first in confusion, then in comfortable contentedness. Sirius reached up and brushed the curl from his forehead, marvelling in how Remus shuddered slightly at his touch.

“— _Maybe I just don't believe_

_Maybe you're the same as me_

_We see things they'll never see_

_You and I are gonna live forever_ —”

Suddenly it was almost as if everything around them had melted away. All that mattered was Remus. Remus and his ridiculous amount of freckles. Remus with his nose that was slightly too big for his face. Remus and that irresistible smile that slowly edged from his lips to his cheeks to his eyes, looking down at Sirius as though there was something he was desperately trying to communicate something but didn’t know how.

Sirius tilted his head up slightly, dragged his fingers up Remus’s neck and into the mass of hair at the back of his head, and gently pulled his head forward. Their lips crashed together like magnets, moving perfectly together as they knew best, grabbing and groping and squeezing.

 _You’re snogging Remus bloody Lupin in the middle of a crowd of people, right in front of all your friends_ , something inside his head said. Sirius merely grinned into the kiss and pulled Remus ever closer to him, exhilarated and intoxicated on the feeling of him.

Like fog clearing when the sun finally starts to shine on a cold winter’s morning, something suddenly became very clear to Sirius. He knew what he wanted, so why shouldn’t he try? He tore his lips away from Remus, ignoring the cheers and hoots coming from where his friends were stood.

“Remus,” Sirius said soberly, his face inches from Remus’s.

Remus was red-lipped and bright-eyed, breathing heavily, with a sort of sheepish look on his face. “Hmm?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?” he blurted out, confident on the taste of Remus’s lips.

Remus’s face sagged as his eyes flicked through what seemed to be a thousand different emotions. He opened and closed his mouth, stammering slightly, and Sirius’s stomach began to drop. If Remus’s answer was the one he was looking for then it surely would have been instant.

Finally, Remus choked out a reply. “Look, Sirius, I really like you — really _really_ like you — but, I think, well, let’s not ruin things.”

“ _Ruin_?” Sirius repeated faintly, feeling as though someone had plunged their hand into his chest and was pummelling his insides. He extracted himself from Remus’s arms but still had to stand close, struggling to hear over the crashing music. “Right. Yes. Ruin. I understand.”

Remus looked strained. “I’m just not ready for—”

The Weird Sisters came to the end of the song and Dorcas grabbed the mic off the stand, interrupting them. “That’s your lot! Make sure to follow us on Instagram and all that jazz, you know what to do. We’ve been the Weird Sisters!”

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as Sirius stared at Remus, feeling as though he was about to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

“That’s fine,” Sirius wasn’t sure how he was still able to talk and keep his voice level. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to be with me. I really can’t blame you at all.”

Remus opened his mouth, as if to clarify his meaning, but Sirius knew he had heard enough. He roughly pushed past him, ignoring Remus’s cries of indignation, pretending he couldn’t hear him desperately calling his name as he shoved his way through the crowd, blind to everything but the exit.

He fell through the swing doors but didn’t stop, breaking out into a frenzied run as he did everything he could to put as much distance between him and Remus. He forced one foot in front of the other as he tore down the streets, hardly aware of where he was going. All he could think about was the fact that Remus didn’t want to be with him. Remus with eyes like molten honey, Remus with a smile that could turn Sirius’s insides to mush, Remus with no intention of ever being in a relationship.

The thing was, he wasn’t angry at Remus at all. He should never have asked that question, and his response was entirely valid and understandable. After all, who in their right mind would ever want to be with Sirius? Remus probably had a narrow escape, if he was being honest. Who would ever want to be trapped with someone like him?

He stopped suddenly, the bitterly cold air biting at his face, and let the tears fall. The voice began shrieking again from the dark depths in his mind and he clamped his hands over his ears, panic bubbling in his chest.

Sirius was used to being told he was unwanted, only this time it hurt more than it had in the past. There was something about being rejected by Remus that made him feel like he was spiralling down a deep and dark hole, with no way out. His mind kept wandering back to Remus’s horror-stricken face, and his frantic stammering as he tried to get his response out. He sank to the curb, shakily reaching for his tobacco, trying to figure out why his chest felt as though it was constricting and his heart felt as though it was collapsing in on itself.

It was the first time Sirius Black had ever been heartbroken, and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slang dictionary:  
> (To have something) on lock - to have perfected something  
> OAP - Old Age Pensioner, an old person  
> Bun (me) - give someone something
> 
> Weird Sisters set list:  
> A Certain Romance - Arctic Monkeys  
> Teenage Kicks - Undertones  
> She Moves In Her Own Way - the Kooks (ok this wasn't technically included but in my head they played this song!)  
> i wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red  
> Live Forever - Oasis 
> 
> Whew... Hope you liked that chapter!! Kudos and comments fuel me :) <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius deals with the aftermath of the gig.

Sirius tried hard to forget about Remus Lupin.

All he wanted was some time to let himself heal and recover, and get over the burning embarrassment of being rejected. Time to let himself ache and cry and feel utterly hopeless, and then pull through and emerge stronger than before. Life, of course, was never going to be that easy.

After it happened, and he was still wandering the streets restlessly like a spectre, he looked at his phone to see an innumerable amount of texts and calls from both Remus and James. It annoyed him, knowing that they weren’t allowing him to exist in his realm of pain and just be angry and hurt. James’s stern tone was somehow notable in his texts, and the messages from Remus seemed frantic and apologetic, begging him to come back and speak to him.

 _No_ , Sirius found himself thinking. He was crushed and battered, and wanted to be able to get over his whirlwind of emotions in his own time. To be left alone to his own devices, that is. In the end he replied to Remus; a short, curt text, asking him to just respect his wishes and leave him be.

Though Remus obeyed and cut all radio contact, Sirius still felt as though he was being haunted by him. He felt tangled and torn, swinging through every emotion under the sun while thinking about that boy with amber eyes and a soft smile.

Sirius had it drummed into him from a very young age to never come across as weak. To bottle all feelings and push them deep, deep down. His mother would always hiss that _proper_ men didn’t cry, that any display of emotion was pathetic and abhorred.

It had taken Sirius a while to realise that crying wasn’t weak, if anything, it was a marvellous way of releasing your emotions and allowing your mind to clear. Most of the time your problems didn’t seem nearly as desolate once you’d had a good sob.

Only a few days had passed, and Sirius was doing everything he could to keep his head above the water. He could feel it lapping at his ears, threatening to pull him under, but he refused to sink. James was being frustratingly nice, and Sirius did whatever he could to escape his understanding smiles and pitying eyes. Most of the time he found himself shivering outside their apartment, nursing a cigarette and a mug of cold coffee he had no intention of drinking. Even brushing his teeth had become a pain as he was smoking so much his gums had become sensitive. It was becoming clearer and clearer that he should quit, yet time and time again he still found himself asking the nice lady at Sainsbury’s for more Rizla and another packet of Amber Leaf.

He contemplated this as he slowly rolled another cigarette at his desk, plucking a few loose bits of tobacco from the end and putting them carefully back in the packet.

“I need to speak to you.”

Sirius swivelled in his desk chair to see James leaning against his doorframe. His lips were pursed and he had that grim look of determination on his face, not dissimilar to the one he would usually have the mornings before his rugby matches. Sirius sighed and turned briefly back to his laptop, where he saved his progress on his essay.

James marched into his room and sat down on his bed, fixing Sirius with a steely look. He was the last person to look intimidating, but there was something so strangely grim in his eyes that Sirius couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably.

“When are you going to talk to him? It’s about time,” James said bluntly.

Sirius blinked, slightly thrown by the straightforward question. “Talk to who?” he innocently asked.

James gave him a pointed, almost exasperated look, and didn’t bother to reply. Sirius bit his tongue and tried again. “What makes you think I need to talk to him?”

James was not impressed. “Don’t be an idiot. You need to hear him out.”

“Why?” Sirius deadpanned. “There’s nothing to hear, I know where we stand.”

“I just think you should speak to him,” James said. “Sort things out.”

“There’s nothing to sort out,” Sirius replied dully. “You know, he’s allowed to not want me back. He doesn’t have to explain anything, or feel guilty. I’m the idiot here, the dickhead who misread the signs.”

James had a funny look on his face. “Yes, but—”

Sirius could feel his temper slowly rising. “But _what_? Who’s best friend are you supposed to be? Can’t you just leave it? I don’t have a problem with Remus at all. As I’ve said _multiple_ times he was entirely valid in his decision to reject me. He was under no obligation to want me back, and that’s _fine_. I’m okay with it all. What I _don’t_ have to do, however, is contact him. There’s no point in hearing what I already know.”

James sighed. “Sirius, you’re wearing joggers. You’re clearly not okay.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes, knowing he had heard enough. “Alright, so what if I’m not okay? So what if I’m hurt by this? As I keep saying, he isn’t in the wrong for rejecting me. _I’m_ the one who got in too deep and it’s _my_ fault my feelings are hurt.”

They sat for a moment, Sirius scowling and James blinking in that sort of deer-caught-in-headlights way that he often does whenever Sirius has an outburst.

It had taken Sirius a while to understand and decipher his feelings, and had come to the rather dismal conclusion that although it hurt like hell, Remus couldn’t be blamed for breaking Sirius’s heart. To give him an ultimatum where one answer would be a lie and the other would cause agony was, quite frankly, unfair. Sirius knew that deep down he didn’t blame Remus one bit for reacting the way he did, but that didn’t stop that raw sting he would get whenever he saw a couple walk hand in hand through campus. The pain would just have to be something he would have to learn to deal with.

James huffed out a breath, but his eyes were softer. “You know Lily’s seen him a few times,” he paused, giving Sirius a sympathetic look. “Apparently he’s in bits.”

Sirius sighed. Deep down he knew what the right thing to do was, yet it didn’t stop it being Really Fucking Difficult. He tucked his cigarette behind his ear and chewed at his lip. “I just know I’ll fall apart the moment I see him.”

“Well, then you’ll both be in tiny little pieces on the floor, and I’ll have to finally do the vacuuming,” James grinned, easily breaking the tension.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” said Sirius, not wanting to smile but failing.

James shrugged, still grinning as though he’d finally got his way.

Later, when Sirius was still frowning at his essay, the buzzer on the door went.

“Get the door, will you Pads?” James called from his bedroom. “I’m naked!”

“Jesus, Potter,” Sirius said as he walked towards the front door. “You’re not half—”

He stopped mid sentence. Remus Lupin was stood on the doorstep, fumbling with his fingers. Sirius felt as though his stomach had dropped out of his body.

“Oh,” Sirius swallowed his shock. “What’re you doing here?”

It’s always strange seeing someone after you’ve done very little but think of them. Sirius had half imagined that Remus would look completely different after dominating his thoughts, but truthfully he seemed completely ordinary as he stood on the threshold, his face utterly hopeless.

“James said I could come over, and the bloke downstairs let me through the main door,” Remus said, his eyes glued to his feet. “He recognised me from before.”

“Right,” Sirius said heavily. “Do you want to come in?”

“Only if you want to talk to me,” Remus said, his curls falling over his eyes. He really did look miserable, and Sirius felt as though something was fracturing inside him.

“Of course I want to speak to you,” Sirius said truthfully. “I’ve, well, I’ve missed you.”

Remus finally looked up at Sirius. “I’ve missed you too. More than you know.”

“Come on then,” Sirius held the door open a little wider, not wanting to look Remus directly in the eye. “I’ll put the kettle on.”

Remus slowly trailed inside and automatically took his shoes off. Sirius tried to ignore how heightened his senses felt now Remus was near, and busied himself with preparing the drinks. It was surprising how all of his anger and upset seemed to have dissipated, and he tried not to think about how strangely calm he felt when moments ago he was on the cusp of screaming.

It was only when Sirius placed the steaming mug in front of Remus did he launch into an apology.

“Sirius, I am so sorry. So, _so_ sorry. I’ve acted like such a fucking idiot and I’ve done nothing but twist myself into a thousand knots since that night and, oh fuck, I feel so awful about what’s happened. I wanted to come straight over and talk to you but once you told me to leave you alone I didn’t want to overstep the mark. It’s been running ‘round my head for days, like torture, thinking of all the things I wanted to say to you but couldn’t.”

Sirius sank into the chair opposite and gripped his mug for strength. His head was swimming and he felt as though he couldn’t focus. “Remus, you don’t have to apologise.”

Remus instantly furrowed his brow. “Are you joking? Of course I do. I’ve been feeling so guilty for reacting like that.”

“You don’t have any reason to feel guilty,” Sirius said flatly. “I’m the one who put you on the spot. You shouldn’t have to feel bad for not liking me back, you were well within your right.”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong,” Remus shook his head. “I do like you back, I just panicked.”

“Right,” Sirius said, pursing his lips. He really wasn’t sure how he felt about having this conversation, and felt drained after having gone through it all with James.

There was silence for a while, and Sirius uncomfortably fidgeted in his seat.

Eventually, Remus had a sip of his tea and took a deep breath. “I think I need to tell you about Caradoc.”

“Who’s Caradoc?” Sirius tried to keep his face passive. “An ex?”

Remus scoffed lightly. “No, I wouldn’t call him an ex. Our relationship never quite developed to that. It was just a casual thing,” he paused and winced, looking uncomfortable. “I think the best way to describe it would be friends with benefits.”

“No offence, but what’s this got to do with me?” Sirius asked, little weary.

“I think the only way you’ll understand why I did what I did is if I explain what happened before,” Remus looked him directly in the eyes and Sirius felt that twinge again. “But if you don’t want to hear it then just tell me and I’ll fuck off. No hard feelings.”

Sirius knew he would always listen to whatever Remus had to say, and nodded. “Tell me.”

Remus took a larger gulp of his tea and began.

“We lived in the same halls in first year. Got on well enough, never really thought much of him, but then one night he kissed me. I can’t remember where or why, but he kissed me. Then it just developed from that. I remember just before we shagged for the first time he looked me dead in the eye and said ‘promise you won’t fall in love with me’,” Remus scoffed and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking mildly disgusted. “Cocky fucking bastard. Anyway, that went on for a couple of months, and I found it harder and harder to keep my feelings separate. Shagging, then cuddling in bed, then the morning after cooking breakfast together because you live in the same fucking flat… yeah, it was difficult.”

Sirius sat and listened quietly, wondering where this was all leading to.

“It all came to a head one night when I finally admitted to him that I was starting to develop feelings for him, and that we should call things off. He told me that it was okay and that he still wanted to keep our ‘arrangements’, but that we could step it up a level and do it exclusively. Only shag each other. No talk of a relationship though, just sex. _Exclusive_ sex,” Remus still looked as though he wanted to throw up. “Stupid me went along with it, thinking that surely at some point we’d go on a date or anything, but then I found out. He’d been shagging half the blokes in our halls. To make matters even worse it only started after we made things ‘exclusive’,” he made air-quotes in the air with his fingers, his mouth downturned. “I ended things, well, if there was anything to end, told him to get lost and not to contact me. He didn’t really listen to that last bit. He rang me the night I met you, and constantly texts saying he’d made a mistake and wants to actually try a relationship. I’m not stupid enough to fall for that shit again, but I guess it’s just sort of made me scared to try anything. It’s why I kept pulling away whenever I felt like I was getting close to you. I was just so petrified of getting hurt again.”

Sirius absorbed the information, and finally took a sip of his drink. It tasted disgusting.

“It’s not that I ever thought you’d hurt me, or do anything like what he did to me,” Remus assured him. “I think my brain is just a bit fucked. Seems to associate exclusivity with heartbreak,” he smiled ruefully. “Irony is I’ve still managed to end up with my feelings hurt, but this time there’s nobody to blame but myself.”

“What a fucking wanker,” Sirius managed to choke out, and Remus smiled sadly.

“Thing is, Sirius, I like you so much it scares me. To be honest, I think I’ve been falling ever since I met you,” Remus’s voice broke slightly. “I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for ever making you think otherwise.”

“Stop being such a twit,” Sirius said, reaching for Remus’s hands. His palms were warm in his cool ones, and his long fingers twisted around his. “There’s nothing to forgive, but if it makes you feel any better I accept your apology and your reasoning. I don’t think of you any differently for it,” he cracked a smile. “I’m mostly just overjoyed to hear you actually like me.”

“I’ve never felt this way about someone, and I’m so fucking frightened of it,” Remus said. “I’m so afraid I’ll ruin things, or that you’ll realise you’re wasting your time on me.”

“I’ll realise _I’m_ wasting my time on you?” Sirius repeated in disbelief. “You’re joking, I’ve been completely convinced that _you’re_ the one who’ll get bored of me.”

“Nobody could ever get bored of you,” Remus said, smiling. “You flounced over that night we met with your amazing hair and that skimpy shirt, just looking so bloody irresistible — how the hell could I ever compete with that? You could have gone up to anyone in that smoking area, anyone in that club, yet there you were in front of me. It was much easier to act aloof because I knew there was no chance someone like you could ever be interested in someone like me.”

Sirius shook his head. “I honestly can’t believe that we thought the exact same thing about each other.”

Remus smiled ruefully and looked down as he rubbed his thumb in gentle circles on the back of Sirius’s hand. “I’ve been thinking, and I reckon relationships work best when you put yourself out there and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It’s that vulnerability that turns into trust. It was never the case that I didn’t trust you, if anything, I didn’t trust myself to do the right thing.”

Sirius swallowed. “What’s the right thing?”

Remus lifted Sirius’s hand to his mouth and lightly kissed his knuckles. Sirius shivered. “I think the right thing to do is be honest and let you know how I truly feel.”

Sirius felt his breath catch. “And how do you feel?”

Something shifted behind Remus’s eyes and Sirius was suddenly struck with a strong want to jump over the table and kiss him.

Remus’s voice was low. “It feels like I’ve been floating for so long but then you appeared and caught the loose ends. You reigned me in. Anchored me down,” his amber eyes were unusually bright. “Made me feel understood.”

“I’ll always be here for you,” Sirius found himself saying. “For so long it feels like I’ve been waiting for something. Like my life has been continuing but not progressing, you know? But now you’re here and,” Sirius shrugged, waving his spare hand in the air. “I don’t know. It just feels like things are finally moving.”

“Fuck,” Remus said, exhaling heavily. “What are we like?”

Sirius looked at Remus and Remus looked back. He looked completely vulnerable, laid bare and exposed, and Sirius could feel his heart aching for him. “We’re just a pair of messes,” he told Remus.

Remus sat back in his chair and rubbed his face. “Don’t think I’ve ever had such an emotionally tumultuous week.”

Sirius’s mouth twitched. “There has been some fuckery about.”

Remus let out a sort of funny sort of laugh, and Sirius had left his seat before he knew what he was doing. He knelt down in front of Remus and gently moved his hands from his face. He half expected Remus to be crying, but instead he had a shy smile on his face.

“I just can’t believe how ridiculous and dramatic I’m being,” Remus said sheepishly. “It’s not like me at all.”

“You think this is ridiculous and dramatic?” Sirius chuckled. “This is nothing. You haven’t seen me at five in the morning after a bender when James tells me it’s too late for karaoke.”

Remus finally began laughing, and Sirius felt as though something inside him was thawing; melting and dripping away in the heat. Remus was like Spring, a fresh breeze ruffling through your hair and the dappled sunlight warming your cheeks. He was the flowers blooming in a meadow and the days slowly getting longer. Remus was that comforting feeling of _home_ , and Sirius knew that he would do anything he could to stay with this man with curly hair and soft amber eyes.

“Come on,” Sirius said. “I think I know exactly what’s running through your head, and you’ve got to trust me when I say I forgive you and I want to move past this.”

“No, I know,” Remus nodded slowly. “I’m just still so angry with myself.”

“Being angry at the past is the biggest waste of time,” Sirius found himself saying. “You can trust me on that one.”

Remus blew air out of his nose and nodded. Sirius could tell that they were somehow going to make it through this.

Sirius shifted so he was sat more comfortably on the floor, and rested his chin on Remus’s knee. “You got any essays due?” Remus shook his head. “Any lectures on?” he shook his head again. “Any other prior commitments that you need to get to?”

Remus shook his head a final time and brushed some hair from Sirius’s face. “I’m all yours.”

Sirius nodded smugly. “As you should be.”

Later, when Remus took Sirius inside his mouth and he lay writhing in complete ecstasy on his Egyptian cotton duvet, he wondered when would be the right time to say it. He knew his feelings for Remus were far stronger than they should be, especially after such a short time and the chaos and confusion of the last week, yet Sirius knew that he wasn’t mistaken. Sometimes things are just so clear that it feels impossible to even consider the idea that something could have skewed it out of proportion.

Sirius wasn’t sure how he was able to have such deep thoughts while also being so distracted by that utterly delicious thing Remus was doing with his tongue, but he was always one to have a wandering mind. After, when Sirius was still shuddering from the aftershocks and Remus was sat there with a completely fiendish grin on his face, he had to literally bite his own lip to stop the words from spilling out.

When he was sat in kitchen with Remus it was like he was finally able to see him. As though a door had creaked open and he was suddenly able to glimpse the inner workings of his mind and understand why he did the things he did. He realised that they were more similar than he thought, like two sides of the same coin; not identical, but very much alike.

“You know,” said Remus as he crawled up the bed and cuddled into Sirius. “I’ve had something you said to me running ‘round my mind for weeks.”

Sirius looked down at him, confused. “What was it?” he smirked. “Please tell me it wasn’t ‘oh baby, you’re gagging for it’.”

Remus gave him a withering look, but nestled into the crook of his neck regardless. “No,” his voice was a little muffled. “It was when you said ‘you’re the subject of so many of my emotions’.”

Sirius blinked. He could hardly remember saying anything like that. Remus looked back up at him, sensing that Sirius had forgotten.

“It was after we made up that first time. When I saw you on campus, brooding and smoking a cigarette.”

Sirius pursed his lips. “I don’t brood.”

Remus smiled wryly. “Yes, you do.”

“I think you’re mistaken,” Sirius said.

“No, I’m not,” Remus shifted and his curly hair tickled Sirius’s chest. “Look, it doesn’t matter that you can’t remember saying it, but it really made an impact on me. It just resonated with me, the idea that someone could be everything to you. I think that’s when it occurred to me how much I cared about you. It’s when I realised that every thought I had lead back to you.”

“Well, it’s still true. You’re still the subject of every emotion I have,” Sirius murmured.

Sirius could feel Remus open his mouth, as though he was going to say something, but after a moment he closed it again and hummed lowly. “Snap,” he muttered under his breath.

***

In the end, falling into a relationship with Remus was the most natural thing to do. It was founded by their combined need to make it work, and support the other through anything. Eager not to make the same mistakes as last time, they finally communicated and had open dialogues about any issues they had. No relationship is perfect, but Sirius and Remus’s determination to fundamentally understand each other meant they got along beautifully.

Having someone to rely on, and know that they would always be there whenever things went awry was not something Sirius was used to. James was a brilliant friend, but had his own life to lead. Sirius hated to feel like a burden, and prided himself on being able to battle through his own emotions and problems. It was a result of his isolated childhood — having nobody to turn to had left him used to dealing with things alone. Remus changed that all.

He was a good listener. Sometimes Sirius would just rant and rave and unload everything he wanted to say, and Remus would sit and nod his head and then pull him into a tight embrace. Often he didn’t say anything in response, and merely ran his fingers through Sirius’s hair, rocking him gently.

Sirius did his best to keep Remus afloat too. Sometimes he would get a little shaky and unbalanced on his feet, and Sirius would be by his side in an instant, to support and protect him. He would bring him endless cups of tea and convince him to take breaks when he was working, and rub his shoulders when they felt stiff.

They just seemed to fit together perfectly, smoothening out each others rough edges and connecting as one. In the small hours of the morning, when Sirius would lie awake with his eyes burning and limbs fidgety, he would sometimes think about all the decisions he had taken that had led him to that moment. Running away from home and not following in his father’s footsteps to Oxford, instead deciding to chase his passion for History of Art and being offered a place at Manchester. Sauntering up to Peter on the very first day of the semester and asking if he was in the same seminar. Being reluctantly dragged out by James and ending up face to face with Remus.

Sometimes Sirius would trace patterns down Remus’s bare back as he slept, connecting his freckles in an invisible piece of art. Remus was a heavy sleeper and would hardly stir at Sirius’s featherlight touch. Sirius, on the other hand, would often lie awake until ridiculous times, his roaring mind unable to let him slip into unconsciousness. It didn’t seem as bad now he had some company.

“Are you sure about this? It’s not like we have to do couple outings or anything like that.”

Remus hugged him from behind and Sirius looked at their reflection in the mirror. They were getting ready for an exhibition that Sirius had helped curate, and tonight was opening night. Remus spun Sirius around slowly, undid the top button of his shirt and pulled the collar apart slightly. Sirius felt a shiver down his spine as his long fingers brushed his throat.

“There, you look sexy with a bit of collarbone on show,” Remus grinned lopsidedly. “And yes, I’m sure. I know I don’t have to come, but I want to. It’s nice to show my support.”

“Well, I’m not going to complain that I’m going to turn up with my exceedingly attractive boyfriend on my arm,” Sirius grinned back and reached for his aftershave.

Remus’s face spasmed like it always did whenever Sirius complimented his appearance. “I’m not sure anyone would call me exceedingly attractive in this outfit.”

Sirius carefully dabbed the aftershave on his pulse points. “Nah, are you joking? That sort of ugly vintage nerd look is actually kind of fashionable now.”

“Ugly vintage nerd look?” Remus repeated, feigning offence. “Never in my life have I been so rudely insulted—”

“Alright lovebirds, we ready to go?” James shouted from the hallway.

Sirius looked at Remus in a slight panic.

“Come on,” Remus said soothingly, seemingly aware of what Sirius was thinking. “You’ll be great.”

“I know I will be, with you by my side,” Sirius joked.

Remus fake retched and rolled his eyes, but pulled Sirius towards him and kissed him slowly and deeply. Sirius wrapped his arms around his long neck and melted into the kiss, smiling into Remus’s soft lips. This was definitely perfection.

“Oi!” James yelled again. “Don’t make me come in there.”

Remus pulled back and shot Sirius a lazy grin. “Shall we?”

Sirius sighed dramatically and nodded. “Oh, alright then.”

The exhibition went surprisingly well. Sirius was a blur rushing here and there, checking the art was hanging straight and directing people towards the bar and toilets. Eventually he slumped against a wall and began biting his nails, carefully watching people as they milled about.

“I’d say this is a decidedly successful exhibition,” Remus said when he finally found Sirius. “Your lecturers seem pretty pleased too.”

Sirius grimaced. “God, I don’t know. It’s really hard to get good marks for curation, they nearly always find something you’ve done wrong.”

“Sirius, this is something you volunteered to do for extra credit,” Remus said. “They’re hardly going to mark you down. I don’t know much about art but even I can tell it’s curated really beautifully.”

Sirius merely hummed noncommittally in response.

“You’ve done a brilliant job,” Remus assured him. “You’ve got to have more faith in yourself. If you could see through my eyes you’d be able to see how good you are”

Sirius turned towards him, unable to stop the stupid grin on his face. Remus was smiling gently, and Sirius slid his fingers into his belt loops and slowly tugged him towards him. His skin was crinkling softly around his amber eyes and his dimple was making a welcome dent in his cheek.

Sirius’s breath caught. “God Remus, you know, I think I might be falling in—“

“Look who it is! The star of the show,”

The words died in Sirius’s mouth as he turned to see Marlene, James and Lily coming towards them, holding a bottle of wine and a stack of cups. He reluctantly let go of Remus but stayed close.

“Hey guys,” Sirius said, trying not to sound bitter at the interruption.

“I love the exhibition, Sirius,” said Lily. “It was really kind of you to include some of Alice’s photographs.”

Sirius shrugged modestly. “Thanks Lils, but you know I didn’t include them as a favour. She’s a really good photographer, and her photos fit with the theme.”

“I think an exhibition called ‘Discovering Sexuality’ is probably one of the most self-indulgent things you’ve ever done,” James smirked.

Sirius lifted his chin. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Remus snorted.

“Y’know, I think I overheard Geoff saying he was going to give you a first,” Marlene grinned and held the wine out. “A toast?”

“Wouldn’t trust a word Geoff says,” grumbled Sirius, but he took the bottle anyway. He poured five cups of wine and handed them out. “What are we even toasting anyway?”

“New beginnings?” Marlene suggested. Lily swiftly elbowed her.

“Friendship? Good grades? Getting through uni in one piece?” James tried.

“How about we just keep it vague,” Remus said mildly. “Just toast to our future.”

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, I like that.”

“To the future,” they all chorused, clinking their glasses together.

Remus caught Sirius’s eye and smiled, sending shivers down his spine. Sirius couldn’t stop stupidly grinning as he stood there, surrounded by his friends, feeling as though everything was falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a tricky one to write... hope you've enjoyed it! Also -- only one chapter left to go! Feeling kinda sad it's nearly over but I can't wait to wrap it up :)


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